blurry face - phan

chapter twenty three

// shoutout to FortheloveofPhans for the cute phan art attached ^_^

so like two people nominated me for thefanfictionawards so thanks! I don't want to ask you to vote cause I feel rude so I'll just subtly hint at it *winks* //

dan

Dan seems to be overcome with emotion.

He feels his chest tighten, his heart both speed up and freeze over at the same time. His body doesn't know what it's doing, his mind doesn't know what to think. He then realised something:

He. Can't. Breathe.

Dan sinks to the floor, gasping for air. He feels a hand on his arm, and looks up to see Phil knelt in front of him.

"Just breathe Dan," he says softly, grabbing Dan's face in hands and putting his own face in front of his, "look into my eyes. Then just breathe."

Dan focuses on Phil's eyes. The warm, oceanic irises with a sprinkle of gold inside them. The eyes, the only eyes he knows, the eyes he thought he'd never see again...

Dan starts taking deep breaths, just focusing on his eyes, taking in every small detail in case they try to leave him again - in case this is all a dream.

"But - I- I don't understand..." Dan stammers once he's over his mild panic attack, "you can't be here."

"Well, I am here," Phil says softly, "I'm so sorry Dan. But I'm here now."

Phil reaches out and places his hand on Dan's arm. His skin is warm - not the cold feeling of death. Dan jerks his arm away, standing up.

"That's not enough Phil. You're here now - God knows what the fuck is going on anyway - but if you're here now then where the fuck were you two weeks ago?" Dan asks angrily.

"You know, I think I'll leave you two to have a little chat..." Connor stammers, backing out of the room and bolting up the stairs. Dan turns back to face Phil, his arms crossed.

"I-If you thought I was dead Dan, you'd be safe. Shane wouldn't be able to use you against me," Phil says quietly, "I was trying to keep you away from me - away from trouble."

"You know Phil, I'm tired of this - of you trying to 'protect' me. You have to realise Phil, that you can't protect me," Dan says, "and I don't need your protection. All you end up doing is hurting me."

"I-I know Dan, but I just feel that if you got hurt, I don't know if I ever would forgive myself," Phil says.

"You worry too much," Dan says, "do you know what you put me through? Every time you leave me, I feel like shit! You can't keep doing that!"

"I know Dan - I'm sorry-" Phil starts.

"No!" Dan shouts, cutting him off, "I am sick and tired of my emotions being pushed around by you. You made me think you were dead - FOR A WHOLE FUCKING MONTH! There's a certain point Phil where sorry doesn't cut it anymore."

"Dan I-"

"No Phil! I can't do this anymore," Dan says, tears welling in his eyes, "you wanted to be dead to me - so I'll give you your wish."

"No! Dan! I-" Phil starts, but Dan has already walked out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

Dan stands on the other side of Phil's front door, trying to collect his thoughts. He doesn't know what he wants to do. Part of him wants to just run back inside and hug Phil, part of him wants to hate Phil, and part of him just wants to sink onto the ground and cry because he doesn't know what to feel.