Diary of a Mean Girl

Entry #25

Dear stupid diary,

That Monday morning, I entered the school with a smile. Excitement was in the air. Pinanghahawakan ko ang sinabi ni Mark na magugulat ako sa araw na ito. And yes, malalaman ko na rin ang pinagkakaabalahan niya. I wonder what's that 'secret and surprise' all about.

That Monday morning, I wish it didn't happen. Every scene were still vivid, it keeps playing on my mind. Every single moment. And I can't, can't make it stop. It was a nightmare that I've been praying not to happen. But still, it happened.

Napansin ko ang bulto ng mga estudyanteng pumupunta sa iisang lugar, Gymnasium. Nagtataka ako kung bakit madami ang tao sa gym eh wala namang program na inannounce. They were cheering for something or someone... So I got curious on what the hell is happening.

That time, to be place in front for a nice view is quite difficult for a normal student. But, because I'm Venus Sinclair, mabilis ko lang itong nakuha. Isang kalabit ko lang sa nakaharang sa aking daan ay nagulat na ito, nagbigay-galang at tumabi na lamang. Ang mga nakaparinig ay gumilid na rin hanggang nagkaroon na ako ng diretsong daan paharap.

Red and Pink, those color were decorated in the area. Heart shaped cutouts. Balloons. Parang Valentine's day ang theme. Ito ang una kong napansin. Next ay si Mark na may hawak na microphone. At, doon na napakunot ang aking noo. Ilang metro sa kanyang harapan ay isang babae na may hawak na panyo na mukhang kakatanggal niya lang. Isang babae na kilalang-kilala ko. Ang babaeng iyon ay kinamumuhian ko at ilang linggo ko ng binubully. Ang pesteng si Hannah. Nakatayo ito sa gitna ng isang heart shaped na petals ng roses, teary eyed and smiling. Rage was building up inside me that time. I felt the complete rage when my eyes darted behind Mark. Their, several boards were raised with each letter completing the sentence,

Will you be my girlfriend?

My knuckles gone white. I felt like punching someone, particularly Hannah. Hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko. Hatred. Jealousy. Anger. Feeling ko, konti na lang ay sasabog na ako sa kinatatayuan ko. I don't want to watch it anymore. But, then, I can't move. I can't just even turn my back away from them. I froze like an fuckng ice, slowly melting and about to be wiped out.

Later on, Mark asked Hannah the awaited question. Natahimik ang lahat at pare-parehong naghihintay ng kanyang isasagot. I was glaring at her, cursing her, plotting her death! Gusto kong humindi ito. Hiniling ko na mawalan ito ng boses! Pero walang epekto dahil nakangiti ito bago tumango ng dahan-dahan kasunod ng hiyawan ng mga nanonood.

And then, the crowd were shouting, demanding a kiss.

Mabigat ang aking bawat hininga. I was already shaking. A part of my heart hurts. Is this the end of our love story? Mark and I weren't even starting yet pero nawawala na. Should I give up now? Should I give up now the eight years of admiration and let it get wasted? All I can do for now is to sigh. Deep sighs. Like I'm having a panic attack. I still don't know yet.

Humakbang papalapit si Mark kay Hannah. Bawat hakbang niya ay lalong nahihirapan akong makahinga. Everyone was still demanding for the kiss at mukhang ibibigay nga nila ito. No, please. Don't. Don't kiss in front of me. My eyes start to water but I was concentrating not to make it fall. But it seems my concentration wasn't enough.

Just when I was about to cry, a warm hand covered my eyes hiding my teary eyes. It was Raven Ashford. He asked me if I'm a masochist. Nang-asar man siya, pero hindi ako nainis. And for the very first time, I was thankful that Raven was by my side. He guided me out the gym while still covering my eyes. Pinigilan kong mag-ingay sa pag-iyak ko para walang makahalata. Hindi na kami pumasok sa klase at dinala niya ako sa likod ng school. Doon ako tuluyang humagulgol ng iyak.

Tama si Mark, magugulat nga talaga ako.

Hate,
Venus