Rock N'Roll Chick

Back Slide

I awoke and avoided Bret and the family as much as possible. I couldn't face them or what I was going to do.

They knew I had to be at the studio and to be there all day and most nights wasn't unusual so my tracks were covered.

Bret. He was so happy. He held me all night whispering all our dreams were coming true and were going to have a family now. And, soon I would be his wife.

I laid there and cried while he spoke. He didn't understand why. I let him believe it was pregnancy emotions. I'm not fit to be a mother. I'll end up like mine. I can't and won't do that.

Leaving him will tear his heart out. Well, mine too. I will miss him but I can't be with him and his family. I'm too fucked up. He deserves better. He will find her. Nikki gets it. Nikki gets me. He loves me too. He will fix this. He is waiting for me. Today.

I left and hugged Bret longer and harder than ever. My heart was shattering. Breaking,tearing me up. I love this man and to leave him is killing me. But, I can't. He deserves better. A better woman than me. In time he will heal.

"I love you Bret. I truly truly love you. You're a very special man. I will always love you."

We embraced tighter. I wanted to enhale his scent once more,remember the lines of his face,his eyes as they stated through me with undying love. I turned looked at the house and walked out.

I arrived at the studio a crazed Nazi. I wanted this track done. I had to meet Nikki at 4. Time was of the essence.

My band knew I was pregnant. They were the first. Kriss, my truest friend, knew something was up the moment I walked in.

"Torr,....what? Are you ok?"
"Please. I don't want to talk about it. Now. I will later. Love you girl."
That response drew her up short. She knew. Something is wrong and for me to even express emotion is way out of character.

She nodded. Tony and Danny were ready. We worked. Hard. I pushed to the point they were all plotting my death. Didn't care. 3:45 we were done.
I grabbed my gear gave a quick goodbye which let the guys puzzled and Kriss shaking her head.

I walked out. The sun hit me square in the face I lit a cigarette,put my sunglasses on and headed for the limo.

The door opened. I stepped in. There was Nikki as gorgeous as ever.
"Hello baby, I've been waiting for you."
I smiled and sat down.