Rock N'Roll Chick

Comeback Kid

My guys stayed with me. They tried to get me to eat. That didn't work. But, they were helping. Just their love and support were helping. They really love me and I really love them. It started to make me realize I really had a family and I could have one. Family is not defined by blood.

I was upstairs laying in bed watching yet another Law and Order SVU episode when a persistent knocking was on my door. I yelled to go away,leave me alone...nothing. The knocking continued.

Ok. Now, I'm pissed. I jumped out of bed flung open the door "Look-" and I stopped . It was Vince. What the hell is he doing here??
He held up his hands. "I know what you're thinking. Why am I above all people here? Believe me,I questioned my sanity on my way over. But, Tor,I know what you're going through. I want to help."

I looked at him as if he had grown a second head. But, he had a point. He lost his daughter. Granted,his was far worse but he got it. I invited him and we sat down and started talking.

We talked for two hours. He is actually a nice man once you cut through the bullshit. He comforted me and I was able to say things to him, I couldn't say to anyone else. He got it. He understood.
"You know Tor,the best way to honor your son is to live. You're a talented writer. Write. Write. Write. It helps ease the pain and it does let out the emotion. Honor him by living,being you. Your son would not want this for you."
I burst into tears because I knew he was right. He hugged me then left.
It was time. I had been wallowing in self pity enough. I lost both my guys,my husband (I think) but I can get through. And, I will.

I went downstairs to see Tony,Danny,Kriss and Jo talking in hushed tones.
I crossed my arms. "Alright. Spill it. What are you saying?"
They glanced at each other. Nobody speaking.
"Start talking or someone is going to get hurt."
Finally, Danny spoke. "Uh, well,Tor we have something to tell you."
"Clearly asshole."
He ignored that and kept going.
"Well, as you know, Tony and Kriss are married having a baby well I've asked Jo to marry me and she said yes and so after our tour were having a double wedding."

He said it in such a rush and so fast it took a minute to set in. I shook my head. To their utter shock I burst into laughter.
"Danny. You're finally getting married. I am in shock,my brother."
Everyone stood still for a moment not sure what I was going to do given my mental state.

But, damnit,this was great news and it made me happy. I walked over grabbed Jo embraced her and said "Welcome to my family." She cried and we hugged.
"Hell,this is cause for celebration!" I exclaimed. The tension left,they could tell I was ok and not about to go all Jax Teller on them. We grabbed our alcohol, not Kriss of course, it was still hard to see her ever growing belly but I focused on her. Not me.

We had a great time. The first time I had laughed and enjoyed myself for the first time in months. It felt....ok.
Alcohol a.k.a. liquid courage prompted me to corner Jo.
"So, your brother hates me." It was a statement.
She sighed. "No. Not even close. He is still in love with you. All of it became too much Tor he had to pull away."
I nodded silently emotion choking me.
"Maybe you two can fix it. I don't know. He really,really loves you and misses you. But, you are married. A fact not lost on him. So,he felt he had to move on."
"That whore Pamela."
She laughed. "Yes,but it's all for show. Believe me, she is just arm candy. That is it and we all hate her. She is a rude,obnoxious twat. "
I laughed. Then, I grew serious.
"He will never forgive me for the baby."
I rubbed my wrist instinctively. I had his little hospital bracelet tattooed on my wrist. Bret kept the bracelet itself. That's all we had. No funeral. No memorial. Just hospital bands.

"He already has,Tor. If anybody can repair this and fix it,it's you two."
She started to turn then stopped.
"And,your brother? When are you going to speak to him?"
"When I'm ready."

The tour was in two weeks and I was ready. I had taken Vince ' s advice and wrote. I wrote song after song. It was so theraputic. It helped. We even played a few songs and it was agreed there was enough for another album. We would debut some on tour.

I started to feel like me again. I beat the hell out of the photographer who took my picture when I went psycho in the grocery store. That felt good. I did photo ops,press and I was back. It felt good.

One night my front door opened and Nikki walked in. I stared at him open mouthed. He looked great and hot as hell.
"Well,Sobriety really looks good on you." I said.
He grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess."
We stood there awkwardly.
"Look-" "How-" We both started to speak at the same time. Then laughed.
He held up his hands. "Please Torrence let me go first."
I nodded and we sat down. At the table. This was so strange. This man was my husband and we were behaving like strangers.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," He began," I failed you. I failed the baby. My kids,my band-"
I held up my hand to stop him.
"Nikki, I get it. I understand. "
He smiled and continued "I'm truly sorry for your losing the baby. I blame myself for that. But, I am leaving. I'm giving you a divorce. I love you Torrence. I will always love you. But, you will never look at me the way you look at Bret. Go to him. He loves you. We both do but your heart is his. I tried but in the end he will always trump me. Meet me here tomorrow and the papers will be signed."

I sat in stunned silence. He rose, came over,kissed me and I felt his tears on my face then he left. Just like that.

I laid my head down and cried.