Rock N'Roll Chick

The Abyss

Staring at the wall or the TV was everyday now. I moved from the couch to my bedroom. That's it. I couldn't care less about the world around me.

Nikki was still in rehab and we haven't spoken. He has gone all old fashioned and written letters. They remain unopened. Bret hates me and that aside from the loss of my baby,hurts the most. It kills me. He blames me for his death.

I can't blame him. He's right. I did. Bret's parting words to me were "You killed our son. You got what you wanted. I hope you're fucking happy." That was the last I've heard from him.

I don't beg. I don't chase. We haven't spoken. Our album hit and shot up the charts. Our first single "The Bitch Never Dies," was already #1. Who cares?

I did no interviews,publicity shows,nothing. Kriss,Tony,Danny,Jo all tried to come over and talk to me. I ignored them. I just wanted to be left alone and die.

Our manager called,came over even Allison. I ignored them. I don't care. My husband left me when I needed him the most and killed my baby. I hold him responsible. But, I am in love with Bret. Who now hates me. His family does,well they don't but I tell myself that. My baby is dead. I am my mother and father.

Tony,my brother,actually tried stopping by. I threw him out. I just sat in my own world. TV may have been on but I barely watched it. I lost 30 pounds,I couldn't eat. Didn't want to eat.

We needed to go on tour. We had obligations,commitments,blah, blah, blah but I didn't want to. The thought of it terrified and made me sick. The press had a field day with me.

Pictures of the accident and my trip to the ambulance made the news for weeks. The idiotic reporters speculated and 99% were bullshit. I certainly didn't help my own cause when I dragged myself to the store. I looked like shit. Pajama pants old Guns N'Roses t shirt and hair in a messy bun.

I needed cigarettes, wine and chocolate. Nobody recognized me. Until....I was in line looking at tabloids. Plastered on the covers were horrid pictures of my accident,my face all fucked up with the headlines stating " Rock Star TorKat Driving Drunk. Did That Kill Her Baby?"
I looked over at two others more of the same.

Then, on People Bret and that bitch Pamela on the fucking cover with a caption reading: "Bret Michaels and the world's most beautiful woman together again!"

I went insane. I ripped the magazines off the stand and grabbed the stand throwing it to the ground. Needless to say,phones and paparazzi caught it all as I was escorted from the store. In my rage, I flipped them off.

"That's it. Tor. We're staying. Don't even attempt to argue. You need us. And,we are not leaving." Danny stated this as my band/family stood around him. Jo was here too. I raised my hand in surrender.
"Ok. Fine. Stay."
Tony put his arm around me, "We're going to get you through this. You're not alone. We're family. And,we will do this until you're ok. Hell,we will postpone the tour. You're our priority. "

I burst into tears.