Stories That Never Get Told

Weakness and Strength

When I was a young girl, my father taught me that love was a weakness. I watched him get his heart broken by everyone after my mother, and I made a silent vow to myself to never love like he tried to do. He told me never to offer my heart to another because they will rip it to shreds and scoff when you try to put it together again. Love would drag you down, and have you making rash decisions you never thought through. It was going to tear you apart slowly when you spent so much time putting yourself together. Love took everything from you even when you had nothing else left to give.

For years I spent hiding my heart away from love. Keeping it at arms length as if it was a toxic waste. My friends claimed I was just too shy when I didn't chase after the boys, my mother cried when I never said I love you back to her on those short weekends together, and my brother looked at me in confusion when I brushed off my grandmother's hugs and kisses. I would like to say that my heart felt like a stone, that its hardened edges cut into me like glass, but I can only say that I forgot it was there.

I became so complacent with keeping my love close that when I met you, I was nearly swept off my feet. It didn't happen suddenly but rather it occurred so slowly that I did not even know it was happening. It started with bringing you coffee when the snow reached my knees even though the shop was all the way across campus. It continued late into the night with conversations that did not make sense come morning. It came to head when you, with mascara running down your face, asked me why I stayed when everyone else walked out. I didn't even hesitate when I quietly disclosed it was because I was in love.

I loved the way you smiled at me in the mirror when you brushed your teeth. I loved the way your nose would crinkle when you would eat an orange, and the way your hair refused to behave your commands in the morning. My heart filled with joy at the sight of seeing you running towards me, loudly telling me everything that had happened to you since I had last seen you. I had never loved truly until I met you, and I will forever be grateful for it.

Maybe you didn't stay, maybe you walked out during our senior year, but you did it in such a way that my heart thanks you. I cried, screamed your name, and swore more than I ever had when you said your goodbye. My heart shattered right there in that doorway when you quietly told me that you were moving across the country, and that you didn't want to leave me waiting for you. You broke my heart, but without you I don't know if I ever would have loved at all.

You showed me that, yes, love will sometimes hurt you. It may leave you broken and empty, but it is more than that. Love will lift up when you've fallen to your knees and can't get up again. Love will take your hand in the night when the demons get too close, and keep you safe until the morning light. Love will take your breath away when you marvel at its beauty because there is nothing more lovely than the sight of your heart smiling back at you. Love was never a weakness even if it could be found at your weakest moments. Love made you stronger than you thought you could ever be and I'm sending this love out to you in the hope that it will help lift your head up.

Thank you for loving me. You have made me stronger for it.