Impossible to Foretell

Chapter 2: Destructive Musings

It was my day off. I hated having nothing to work on; it allowed my thoughts to wander to things that I'd rather not remember. However, Kakashi had ordered that I take a few days off every once in a while to keep me from working myself to death, and since he was my boss, there was nothing that I could do. I thought that it was stupid. I'd rather work myself to death than stew in memories better left to the past.

Birds chirped and the stream running by me bubbled and gurgled over rocks as I sat in one the beautiful parks created when they rebuilt the village. This was my favorite spot in the entirety of the Leaf, but I wasn't enjoying it today. I stared down at the small, verdant toy in my hands.

Dad laughed as he stood up to leave, "Well, I'm sure the he would love to help you learn some yo-yo tricks. I'd better go now... Be nice to your mother while I'm gone, and I'll be back before you know it."

"Bye Daddy!"

"Goodbye, Yo-yo."

That was the last time that I had ever seen him. Dai Kimura, one in too many names on the KIA Memorial. The tears started to well up again, and I hated myself for being so emotionally weak.

I was going through one of my phases of remembering Dad constantly. It always happened in the middle of summer, the time of the year that he died. The time of the year when the world was too bright and beautiful when it should have been mourning with me. It should have been dark and cold like I was. How dare it be so bright, lazy, and alive when this time of year marked the death of the one greatest men ever? I traced the round shape of the yo-yo again and again, wishing that I could have had more time. I wished that I could have met my dad when I was old enough to have an intelligent conversation with him, when I was old enough to get to know him as a person. I wished that I could have asked him what he was like when he was younger, or talked to him about his parents. I just wanted to see him, hear him, smell him again. All I wanted was the sensation of perfect happiness and safety that I had while I was with him.

These were destructive thoughts that I was having. It wasn't healthy to run through hypotheticals of situations that could never happen, but I continued to indulge my thoughts.

There was a snapped twig behind me, and I turned around to see Kakashi.

"I thought that I'd find you here." He sat down on the bench next to me.

I was not pleased that he had interrupted my little session of self-pity, "What do you want?"

"I'm sorry, I know that this is your day off, but I have a few reports that I need you to look over."

That brightened my mood immediately since work was the only thing that could save me from myself now. "Why didn't you send Izumo or Kotetsu out with the summons? You're the Hokage; you shouldn't act as a messenger."

Kakashi's eyes rested on the yo-yo in my hands, "I also came to make sure that you're okay. I looked at the calendar this morning and realized that tomorrow is the anniversary-"

"Stop. I don't want to talk about it."

"Kaiyo, I'm really sorry-"

"Just please stop it. I also don't want your pity."

Kakashi looked a little taken aback by my harshness; I've made a real effort for the last year to be a little less abrasive towards people, especially him.

"Of course, just feel free to let me know if you need anything."

"I won't need anything, but I'll be sure to keep that in mind." I stood up slowly, "Now, what was this that you needed me to look over?"