Impossible to Foretell

Chapter 15: The Life of a Ninja

Kakashi walked farther into the room slowly, like he was approaching an injured wild animal.

"Bad dream?"

"More like bad memories."

He sat down on the edge of the bed gently, "Memories?"

"Of Dad and Sakumo and of Shikaku and Toukuro. Every time I sleep I see them die again and again and again. I just can't take it anymore. I've tried to just not sleep, but when I finally do sleep, they're that much worse."

"I understand completely."

I stopped crying and looked at him in disbelief. "What, really?"

Kakashi nodded, "Kaiyo... Do you know how Rin died?"

I shook my head, "No. They told me that the causes were classified."

"Did you also know that I used to be called 'Friend-killer Kakashi'?"

I gasped as I figured out what he was implying. "Y-you killed Rin?"

He looked down at his right hand as it started to shake. "I guess that I should start at the beginning... It was near the end of the Third Great Ninja War when the two of us were out on a mission alone. Guy wasn't with us that time. Rin was captured by Mist Ninja, and they sealed the Three-tails inside of her."

"What? T-they turned Rin into a jinchuriki?"

"Yes... But they made the seal weak so that she couldn't possibly contain the beast. Their plan was for her to return to the Leaf and then have the Tailed Beast release from her and destroy the village. They let me recover Rin so that I could bring her back. She b-begged me to kill her for the sake of the village, but I refused. However, when the Mist Ninja attacked us, Rin jumped in front of my chidori. I passed out, and when I woke up, all of the Mist Ninja had been killed. Years later I found out that it was Obito who had killed them, and that Madara had planned the whole thing in order to brainwash him."

"So that's what drove Obito to start the Fourth Great Ninja War."

He nodded, "For years I couldn't sleep. Every night I would see myself killing her over and over again. And then every morning when I'd wake up, I could see her blood coating my hand and no matter how many times I washed it, it'd never go away. I tried not to feel, to become the perfect ninja. They called me 'Cold-blooded Kakashi' after that until I was able to find myself again."

I stared at him with wide eyes. I had no idea that the truth behind Rin's death had been so... traumatizing. "So when you told me that life had taught you the hard way that comrades came first, you really weren't lying. Kakashi, why'd you tell me all of that?"

He shrugged, "The only person I was able to tell the whole thing to was Minato-sensei, but you knew Rin. I felt that you deserved to know."

I reached out and grabbed his still trembling right hand. His eyes held no emotion like they usually did, but his body language gave him away. We both understood the other's pain and loss.

"This is the life we chose, the life of a ninja."

He nodded, "The life of a ninja."