Dear Evan.
first off, I want to apologize for everything that I have done to you in the past. I'm sorry for leaving you so suddenly and heading back to North Carolina just like that. I know it was only a silly misunderstanding and you were so confused at that time.But the reason why I went away is because I wanted to give you the long needed space that you deserved. I didn't want to be the reason for your sadness and I didn't want to drag you with me in my own self pity. It was totally unnecessary. I didn't want to make things too hard for you because I love you so much that it hurts every time i see you so happy with your new girlfriend.
That's what triggered me in the first place,Evan. Because after 2 months of giving you your space, I came back to Canada, to confront and surprise you and also to get my lover back.
Only to find him in someone else's arms.
It hurts so much Evan. You stopped playing with me, you found your new set of friends and you left me in the dark when I needed you the most. I tried to call you but you won't pick up, I sent you countless messages, saying good morning , good night and even texting you how much I love you still. But none of them made a difference.
Now that there's nothing left for me to do, I want to say sorry, for leaving, for our little misunderstanding.
For my presence, for all the promises that were left unfulfilled, the dreams that turned to dust, the words that were left unspoken, the games left unplayed, the songs we never did get the chance to sing
And the question that I was supposed to ask to you.
Because at that very day where we had our fight was the day I wanted to ask you if you wanted to spend your whole life with me by your side.
I wanted to ask if you wanted to marry me. But I guess it was too late.
My efforts weren't enough to make you stay. My words weren't sweet enough for you to hear.
And my presence was not enough to show you that I love you.
I'm so sorry Evan.
I would have given anything to have you back, even my life. I would have given up YouTube, my channel and my soul of it means to have you back in my arms again.
But then I again.
I don't deserve someone like you,
You deserve someone who will show you the love they have for you every day and and every night.
you deserve someone who gives all their attention and time to you even if you least wanted it.
You deserve someone...better than me, that is not like me.
In my heart I will always carry the hate that you have for me,
In my mind, I will always feel you with me even if you are not. Your touch never left my mind, I still see you when I close my eyes, I still see you every time I open them in the morning. I hear you laughing through the walls and yelling at our friends, I still see your eyes that are locked with mine. I can still feel you beside me when I sleep. And i can still smell your scent even if you are not there anymore.
You are all I see, hear, smell and feel, Evan.
Lastly, I want to thank you, Evan.
Thank you for the memories, for the love, for the romance, for everything.
And I don't regret that I showed my face to you.
I'm so sorry for being a crappy boyfriend to you, I'm sorry for everything.
I hope you have a great life ahead of you without me.
And so, these are my final words to you, Evan Fong:
I love you till my last breath and beyond
Goodbye.
Love,
The man with a mask:
Jonathan Denis
Dear Jonathan
I'm so sorry for everything! I can't even block out the guilt that I have right now. because of me, you are dead. Because I inflicted too much pain to you, you took your life away.
Because of me, you are but a corpse laying in a coffin in front of me.
Because of my stupidity, i lost you entirely.
I didn't mean to replace you, Jon. I love you and I still do, even now.
I don't know why you would ever see yourself as unworthy for an asshole like me, because you are everything! You are perfect to me, you are smart, brave, funny and a dumbass sometimes but that's what made you..well you.
Jonathan.
I should be the one who is saying sorry to you. I am to blame for everything. I knew you were only giving me time on my own but..it's just that..I wasn't thinking straight and I needed someone to numb the pain. Yes, the slut did numb it for a while, but then reality crashed on me, every thing goes back..the longing for your lips, your touch, your smell and your voice. My mind, body and my heart aches at screaming your name over and over again.
But now that you are gone forever...all my hope on getting US back is gone. Everything changed since you left me, Jonathan.
Iv'e stoped playing altogether . I locked myself up in my room as I think about you, day in and day out.I get so moody and I don't eat well.
I guess this is my punishment. I am paying for my sins.
The sins that lead me to loosing you. The sins that lead me to my own death.
I want to see you again, Jonathan. And if that's going to happen, I have to make sure that I get out of this world the same way as you did.
Thank you for everything Jon.
Thank you for caring, for loving and for looking out for me.
Please wait for me up there because I'm coming home to you soon my love.
And yes, I will marry you but maybe we'll have to celebrate the wedding up there Jon. Where we can find our happiness in each others arms. Where I know that we will both be safe and no danger will ever want to tear us apart.
I LOVE YOU JONATHAN DENIS. PLEASE WAIT FOR ME.
Love,
Your Owl Man:
Evan Fong.
