3
That number has come to haunt me everyday. Why? Because it's been three years...three whole years since you broke up with me and decided we should just stay as best friends. Three years and i still haven't moved on from you, i'm pretty sure my close friends know i'm still not over you, three times we've been in an on and off relationship, How you told me you still loved me but broke it off after a few months saying "sorry..i was wrong" that hurts like a bitch you know, to have your bestfriend use you as a specimen for an experiment.
Three times i've been neglected and betrayed by you, but i still loved you anyway after all the pain you've put me through i still love you, you asshole. Three times i've attempted to get you back but all of them proved fruitless as you go around trying to find the "perfect" one while i'm here beside you trying my best to stay strong for you.
Three times you've broken me and left me a sobbing mess on the floor without looking back, three years of being oblivious to the fact that i love you more than i have ever loved anyone in my life.
Three times you've tried to replace me and succeeded before you remember what we used to be and take me back as a friend anyway.
Three years of you torturing me when you talk about how beautiful or handsome your lover is but, three times my eyes refused to open EVEN for you and three times i had attempted to kill myself because of all the pain you put me through.
Three times i've become completely numb that i jad pushed you away and three....three times i begged you to stay in my life.
I'm so tired, i've tried everything just to forget how i feel about you, i tried drinking, i tried hurting myself, degrading and looking down upon myself, i've dated a few guys, heck! I even hooked up with some of them! I went to parties, ate ice cream like a girl does, watch movies, play games...anything to keep my mind off of you..but. why?
When i drink, i hallucinate about you, when i hurt myself i think about how you would react and how disappointed you'd be, resulting in me putting my blade down, when i degrade myself i always see you telling me i'm important and that i should never think like that, when i date guys all i ever think is how much i wish it was you beside me instead, and when i hook up with them...i scream YOUR name, when i go to parties i'd immediately go home because i feel so uncomfortable without you to guide me, when i eat ice cream all i could think about is how chocolate is your favorite flavor and that i should save some to give it to you in the morning, when i watch movies i'd fall asleep wishing your shoulder was there so that i can rest on it, and when i play games...your cheery voice is all i hear.
You've ruined me, and as far as i know the only one who can repair me is the person who wants NOTHING to do with me anymore.
A person who is a huge part of my life, a person who once loved me like i was the only guy left in the world.
You.
That word, it haunts me along with the number three.
You who showed me love is real, you who told me i'm worth it, you who held me so close and gently, you who helped me through thick and thin, you who broke me, you who showed me just how jealousy works, you who turned me.into the man i man now, you who drove me to insanity and you...who killed me.
I still love you though, and when you find this letter, you'll understand just how much you mean to me, how much i love you and even in death...i'll carry my love for you.
My heart is not a glass, it can't be broken easily, it's not a stone that is so hard to break, it's not a diamond that would never ever break and not an ice sculpture frozen in time.
I've got an Elsatic heart, you can pull me, test my limits but i won't snap, you can knead me and further my limits even more, you can play with it without having to worry about breaking it...but it just happened that you pulled and tugged on it too hard. It had snapped and what happens when a heart snaps? It stops working.
by the time you find me, my heart had already stopped working. And i wish you the best in your life.
With love,
Jonathan Ryan Denis
Eternity was not achieved,
Vicious love had killed,
Absence was felt,
Nulled heart was left to die.
A/N: Inspired by the song ELASTIC HEART by SIA.
And i added a little bit of an easter egg at the last four sentences.
