Trace of Innocence | Sweet and Sour (Book 4)

Chapter 27

(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 27 - Said The Night Was Over)

It takes every resolve I have to pull away from her, when all I want to do is seek comfort in her arms. But I know I'm pushing my luck, and I have to remember the bigger picture here. She needs to know the full story. 

"Sorry," I mutter, letting go of her and sitting back in my chair to give her some space. 

"It's OK," she says, and she stands in front of me awkwardly, like she doesn't know what to do with herself now I have let her go. If only that were the truth.

Eventually she sits back down on the bed and surveys me with uncertainty. I take a deep breath, picking up where I left off.

"So... I went to meet Jeff and all his friends at the bar, and we started drinking. It was still pretty early, but after everything that had happened I just wanted to blot it all out. Louis, the baby, the band... There was no way Louis would be able to continue with One Direction while he was trying to be a dad. No one had said it out loud, but we all knew we wouldn't be able to tour the next album, and that we would have to put everything on hold for a while, at least until he adjusted."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she interrupts gently, and the concern in her voice raises goosebumps on my arms. "I knew how worried you were about the band's popularity without Zayn. Why didn't you tell me about Louis' baby, and the impact it was going to have? I mean, obviously I couldn't have done anything about it, but you could have talked to me. I would have listened to you, and supported you. You wouldn't have had to deal with it alone."

"I know," I mumble, biting my lip and looking away. "I don't know why I didn't tell you. After the row with Louis I suppose I just wanted to forget it all and stick my head in the sand. Talking about it all made it seem real, and I wasn't ready to face it, or to deal with it yet. I just wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. It's another one of my regrets."  

One of the many. I could write a book. I mean, I already wrote a song, or three. And hearing her confirm that she would have stuck by me and supported me, like deep down I knew she would, just makes the hurt harder to bear.

Focus.

"Anyway, all that, coupled with the lies I'd told you and the row I'd just had with Nadine... I was stressed and upset," I continue. "So we were all knocking the drinks back pretty fast. I'm not a huge fan of beer so I was on the spirits, and I hadn't had any dinner... I got drunk really quickly. I can't really remember timescales, but at some point during the night I looked up towards the door and saw Nadine walking in with some friends."

My stomach turns over as I say her name out loud, but I keep my face impassive. 

"My heart sank. It couldn't have been a coincidence that she was there, because I'd told her where we would be. She sort of caught my eye as she walked in and gave me this little smile, and I knew immediately she was here to see me. I recognised some of her friends as they followed her in, and one of them...."

I stop and look up at Jess. I feel disloyal at the thought of throwing Sara's name into the conversation without some sort of prior warning. She closes her eyes and nods reluctantly, and I take this as confirmation that she is prepared for Sara to enter the story.

"...one of them was Sara," I finish. "They came over to say hi - Nadine and Sara. I already knew Sara anyway, from various functions I'd attended in the US, so we sort of said hi, how are you, et cetera. I was trying to talk to Jeff and his friends, but Nadine kept trying to get my attention, and she was starting to get on my nerves a bit. She kept reaching over to me, touching my hand, touching my arm, touching my leg."