Trace of Innocence | Sweet and Sour (Book 4)

Chapter 85

(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 85 - I Can Be Your Vice) 

February 2016

It's a fantastic birthday. The whole day is just perfect. Several times I just look around myself at my friends and family, and Jess, and just think wow. I am so lucky. I know the paparazzi will be on high alert for any kind of birthday celebrations, but we have deliberately chosen low key restaurants that the paps are unlikely to target. We hire a different car to collect us and take us to the restaurants and book under fake names (obviously) to avoid detection. 

I've noticed Jess is becoming more and more relaxed around my friends as the months have gone by and she is getting to know them. I know she worries that she doesn't belong in the celebrity world but she's such an easygoing, friendly and open person that it's hard to imagine anyone she wouldn't get along with. My friends seem to like her - they are chatty and welcoming, involve her in their own conversations outside of my own and make her feel part of the group. Jeff and Glenne always make the most effort - perhaps because they are not "celebrities" (I hate that word) as such and don't have much experience in front of a camera, and can relate to Jess. And of course I know Mum and Robin love her, as does Gemma. Although I've been lucky to have some truly amazing birthday parties, I can honestly say that this year has been my favourite so far, simply because of Jess. 

Gemma' comment about the engagement ring has played a little on my mind ever since Christmas Day. While I know we are still in the early days of our relationship and both still way too young to be jumping into any kind of serious commitment, especially as we haven't even gone public yet... I would be lying if I said the thought of us being together forever hadn't crossed my mind on more than one occasion. 

I take the idea of marriage seriously. I'm sure very few people enter into a marriage without believing it to be for life, but I feel it more deeply than that. I'm not naive enough to believe that nothing can ever destroy a marriage or a relationship, but I do believe in marrying someone with the same dedication to making a relationship work. Right now, making that level of lifelong commitment seems a long way off, but I know that if I ever get married, it will be because I have got to know that person as well as I know myself, and that they will share the same values and commitment to each other as me. 

I've hit it off with girls before. Kendall and I were close when we dated. Nadine and I had a connection that was pretty hot. And I've experienced that spark with other women, that inexplicable pull towards someone that neither of us could explain. Yet... with Jess it's different. It's all of those things rolled into one, plus more; so much more. We have that connection, but not just sexually. It's mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually. Spiritually. I feel as though she is literally part of me, like I'm missing half of me when we're... well, you know the lyrics. And I have never felt this way about anyone else before. Not to this deep, deep level where I can't possibly imagine ever loving anyone else again as long as I live. My relationships are always intense, but... just never this intense. I believe fate brought us together that night last March, and if we hadn't met then, we still would have, some other way. Because she is my soul mate and we were always destined to be together.

And this brings me to my next thought: our anniversary. It's been eleven months since we met and obviously I want to celebrate and mark the day. Jess's comment a couple of weeks ago about going right back to the start has given me a brilliant idea which was been cemented by Callie agreeing to let me have Jess's One Direction stuff back. I haven't really had chance to sort anything out with being in LA, but the morning after my birthday I send her a text:

Hi Callie it's Harry. Did you mean what you said about letting me have Jess's 1D stuff back? Hope you're well.

She replies later that afternoon, just as Jess and I are outwitting a photographer in the YSL shop in Beverly Hills. I leave the shop first and allow the pap to get plenty of shots of me which in turn allows Jess to leave the shop undetected and to head in the other direction to wait for me. As I pull my phone out to text Jess again, I see Callie's reply.