chasing love ;; cth

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Hurt and Heartbroken.

That's how I feel right now. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I don't think I have ever felt so much pain in my life. Not only emotionally, but physically too. I can't even move my body. All I have been doing all night and so far today is sit in my bed. I didn't sleep one ounce. I feel like my heart has physically been shattered into a billion tiny pieces, and I'm not sure that it will ever be repaired anytime soon. 

14 years.

14 freakin years.

I wasted 14 years on that boy. Just saying it mentally in my head, makes me realize how sad it is. I liked that boy for 14 years, hoping that he liked me back, and he never did, he doesn't now, and he never will.

People say that if you like someone for 4 months, it's no longer a crush, you're in love. So what stage am I at when I have liked a boy for 14 years? Unstoppable Infatuation? No, it's not unstoppable because I am done. 14 years has been enough for me. Every time I even consider saying his name or even thinking about him, my heart breaks just a little bit more. I don't want to go through that anymore. I never thought it would be possible that one boy could cause you so much heartbreak, but it is. Well I've had enough heartbreak. I sat around for 14 years waiting for the littlest bit of attention from him, and this year I finally got it. And then when I let him know how I feel about him, he humiliates me in front of the entire school. Why couldn't he have pulled me out of the huge circle and asked me in private if it was really that important to him. Or did he want to humiliate me in front of everyone. This is also partially Danielle's fault, but I don't care anymore I'm over it. I'm over him. That's right. I spent 14 years too many liking that boy. I am officially, one hundred percent over Calum Hood. I know I've already said that I am over him twice, but you know what they say, third time's the charm .......I hope.

But how come I still feel so heart broken. How come I still feel so much pain. How come I feel so hurt, worthless, and unwanted. I can't even get myself out of bed. I am tired beyond belief but I can't fall asleep. My stomach is growling like crazy but I don't want to eat. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to go outside. I feel so sick. Sick from everything that has happened to me. And you wanna know what the worst part of all of this is.

Today is my birthday.

The is the worst possible way to spend a birthday. Later I'll probably plop myself down on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and watch so many romantic movies and I'll just cry and cry until I run out of tears. Which won't take very long because I barely have any tears left from the amount of crying I've been doing all last night and this morning. I should buy myself a cat. I mean that's what people who know they are going to be alone for the rest of their lives do. They surround themselves with cats.

I feel so empty. I feel like there is nothing to live for anymore. Nothing to get excited about. Nothing to bring joy to my life. The only person that really ever made me happy was Calum, and now whenever I think about him it only brings sadness. I hear a slight knock on my door and I hide my head underneath my pillow, because I am not in the mood to talk right now, to anyone.

"Happy Birthday," My mother whispers as she walks into the room, "Valerie why aren't you out of bed yet it's 1 in the afternoon,"

"I don't want to get up," My muffled tone comes from underneath the pillow. I'm sure I sound like a 10 year old who doesn't want to get up for school in the morning. But I don't care. What's there to care about anymore?

"Valerie" My mother says sternly, "You need some fresh air. Go outside," 

"Please don't make me," I whine

"At least go get the mail," She demands as she walks out of the room, obviously very frustrated from my behavior. She has zero tolerance, whatsoever.

I groan very loudly, as I force myself out of bed and downstairs. Doesn't my mother realize that I am suffering from extreme physical and emotional pain. Unless she thinks getting the mail will fix my broken heart. 

I open the mail box that is filled to its max capacity with mail. I bring it inside and and sloppily toss it on to the kitchen table, which was a fail because most of it falls and scatters to the floor. I pick up all the letters when I notice a big yellow envelope that is addressed to me. That's weird, no one usually sends me mail. I pick it up off the floor to examine it more closely when I feel a vibrate in my back pocket.

I pull my phone out to see Ashton's name displayed across the top of the screen. I press the answer button and bring the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Did you get a big yellow envelope too?" He asks, excitement clear in his tone

"Yup," I reply, popping the 'p'

"Okay let's both open at the same time," He suggests

"No you go first,"

"Okay," He obliges. I hear the ripping of the envelope flap in the background and the sound of papers rumbling. He is clearly very eager to find out, "I got in," He says, "Oh my God I've been accepted," He says. He doesn't sound as excited as I thought he would, but then I hear it, "WOOOOOOOOOOOO, MUM! MUM! MUM! GUESS WHAT I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO VCA," I quietly chuckle to myself, and I soon hear two people cheering from the other end.

"Now open yours," He manages to say, almost completely out of breath from all the screaming.

I quickly open rip open the flap and pull out the letter inside:

Dear Valerie,

Congragulations! I am pleased to infrom you of your admission to the Victorian College of the Arts (VCA) for the fall semester of 2014.

I skim through the rest of the letter which is really irrelevant because I actually got accepted into VCA.

"Val?" Ashton's voice rings in my ears. I had almost completely forgotten I was on the phone.

"I made it Ashton!" I reply exitedly

"Yay!" He replies, "Oh my God it's such a relief that we both made it,"

"I know," I reply, not able to wipe the smile off my face.

Finally something good has happened to me.