chasing love ;; cth

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

**Calum's POV**

I suddenly woke up, my head pounding like crazy. I always regret drinking after I do, because hangover sucks balls. I really only ever drink when I am angry or upset, because it brings me this sense of relief that I so desperately need. And boy, was I angry.

After everything that happened at the field yesterday, I just wasn't myself. I had planned things out perfectly. I took Valerie to the field to supposedly teach her how to play soccer, like I had promised. I was hoping by showing her that I had even remembered I promised that, she would realize how much I cared about her. However it didn't seem to affect her at all. And we played for like 3 hours which I loved, but she hated. I think she secretly loved it though cause I do get the hint that she likes being friends with me, while I, on the other hand, can't look at her without the necessity of being more than just friends clouding my thoughts. But then she started acting really adorable and running with the ball in her hands, which gave me an excuse to hold her in my arms. Her body seemed to fit perfectly with mine, and it was difficult to resist the temptation to wrap my arms around her small waist, and stay like that all day. And I had to start tickling her, just so her head would sometimes lean back against my chest when she laughed, giving me this sense of comfort that I had never before experienced from any other girl. Then, it got to the point where she was flailing around in my arms so much that she fell back, and I fell with her. I had to admit that it was a pretty bad fall, and I banged my head against the ground pretty hard. But I still had my arms secured around her and she was still laughing, so I laughed it off with her. I'm not sure where the whole cloud watching came from, but I had to admit I enjoyed doing it. Mostly cause I enjoyed being with her. She's someone that I can be myself with. She has the ability to turn my world around just by saying my name. Valerie basically has my heart held in her hands, but she doesn't even know it.

However, more had happened at the field than I expected. The whole point of me really taking her there was to get us back on track to being good friends, because lately this relationship has been going no where at all. And I need it to get somewhere. Did I think things were going to go as far as they did? No, not at all. Was I going to pass up an opportunity like that? Hell, no I wasn't. I was so close, our faces literally inches apart. And then everything froze. I was scared out of my mind. I was scared if I had kissed her, then everything would have been thrown away. Our chances of dating, being friends or even acquaintances would have disappeared. She wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore cause she would have hated me. Hated me for whatever reasons she could think of, I'm not sure, I guess that I just always assume the worst. Maybe, things would've gone well. But she didn't even give me a chance to either take the opportunity or pass it up, because she had ruined the whole moment when she said she was supposed to meet Adam.

Fuckin Adam. I hate Adam.

I mean first of all Adam needs to just completely get out of the picture. Not only because it should be me in his place, but at this point I'm just concerned for Valerie's safety. If he is completely willing to throw a punch at me for no reason, I'm sure he won't hesitate to hit her if she says something that pisses him off. To me he seems like some violent prick that gets drunk and goes to strip clubs every weekend and is just going to use an innocent girl like Valerie to get in her pants.

What I hate most about this whole thing is that she doesn't have the slightest clue about my feelings toward her. She probably thinks Adam is "in love" with her cause he's the only one that ever told her how beautiful she was too her face. While I on the other hand admire her beauty from a far. I give the dude credit for being so confident around her, meanwhile my knees go weak whenever she floats into my thoughts.

I check my phone to see that's 8 o'clock. There's no way I'm falling back asleep anyway, so I trudge myself to out of bed and over to the bathroom. I grab 2 aspirins and gulp them down with a glass of water, in hopes of making this killer headache go away. I cringe from the feeling of the pills sliding down my throat. I can take pills, I just hate swallowing them.

My eyes glance to the mirror. And I finally realize what's standing in the way of Valerie ever falling for me again. I mean, I'm no Adam. Even if they do break up, I'll never compare to him. He's all big and muscular, and has nice hair and a ruggedly handsome smile. And well, I'm just Calum. Now that she has dated him, she'll see that she can do so much better than me. However, I'm not going to give up. Because that's what you do when you love someone. You go after them.

Do I love her? Yes I do, wait no I don't. Love is such a strong word to use. But how come every time I see her my knees go weak and my heart jumps at the sound of her name? How come she is constantly floating into my mind and I can't help but stare at her plush, pink lips and imagine what it would be like if they were pressed against mine? How come she makes me want to be a better person? How come she gives me this rush that makes me wanna take risks and do things that I would be way to scared to do if she weren't by my side? How come I want to fight with her, because I know we'll always make up in the end? How come she's one of the only things in this messed up world that makes me happy? How come she's the only one who can make me smile no matter what she says? How come I feel safe with her and feel that I can basically trust her with my life? How come she makes me wanna laugh, and cry, and scream, and jump, and smile, and punch the wall all at the same time? How come I'm a better me when I'm with her? How come I can't help but think about the future? A future of us, together.

If I'm not in love with Valerie at this point, then I don't know what I am.

I'm so tempted to march straight up to that window at the opposite side of the dorm, open it and proclaim my love for Valerie to the world. But, I don't, because that would be slightly weird, and cause I'm too scared.

Scared of what? I'm not sure. I'm just scared.

Instead I walk over to where she lies asleep on her side, her head against her hand that is rested on the pillow. I watch for a few minutes. It may seem creepy but I can't help but admire how cute and peaceful she looks when she's asleep. Her eyes closed lightly, her lips slightly parted, and I'm pretty sure I can hear a small snore, but I don't care I think it's adorable, and my snoring is probably twice as loud as her's is. I quietly drop to my knees beside the bed, so that I'm now eye level with her. A smile creeps onto my face as I gently push a loose strand of her light brown hair behind her ear, my hand lingering a little longer than it probably should. I slowly run my fingers through her hair, careful not to wake her up. I hate the fact that I can't do this to her when she's awake. Cause I can guarantee you, if she were awake right now she'd probably think I'm a creep and run out of my room, never wanting to see me again. 

I lean in slowly placing a soft kiss on her temple, "I love you," I whisper. I know she can't hear me, but deep down inside me I hope that she can.

✴ ✴ ✴ ✴ ✴

Sorry it's so short :( Hopefully the next one will be longer

My twitter is @lyricalhood if you want to follow me on twitter, I tweet when I update and you could always ask me questions and give me feedback on there.