chasing love ;; cth

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

**Calum's POV**

Later that evening I was hanging with Luke and Michael in their dorm. Not that it was any different from any other day of the week, since this is what we have done basically every night since we started college.

I was definitely out of it today. Thoughts of so many things were flooding my mind, and my brain just couldn't keep up with it all. My whole body was immobile as I lay across Luke's bed. Other than my chest heaving up and down with each breath, my mind seemed to be the only part of me that was functioning. And it won't freakin shut up. Sure, thoughts of my family, my friends back home, school work, and that random song I can't stop humming are running through my head. But right now all they are to me are just irrelevant thoughts at the back of my mind. But then there is that one thing that fills majority of my thoughts. That one thing that I can't stop thinking about no matter how hard I try. I've tried basically everything to stop, but I just can't quit thinking about her. I tried listening to music, playing my guitar, watching TV but nothing worked. Even food couldn't help me get her off my mind.

I lay in this position for what feels like eternity. Pushing reality away, imagining that I could go back in time. If I could go back in time, I know exactly what day I would go back to. No I would not go back to prom, if that's what you were thinking. I would go back even farther than that. I would go back to the morning of October 10th. The morning that I asked Valerie for a pencil.

Surprised I remembered? I only remember because I think that was the first time I talked to her that whole year. It's kind of sad because there was only one month left of our senior year at that point. I remember exactly how it played out. I was at my friend's desk who sat right in front of her when I realized that class was gonna start and I didn't have a pencil. I turned around and she had her head propped up against her hand, staring into space thinking about who knows what. I started out by asking to borrow a pencil which was my first mistake. I should have started out with hi or hello, how have you been? Something that would have enabled us to start a conversation. But instead I asked if I could borrow a pencil which made me sound like I could care less about her and only cared about that stupid pencil. Which is the total opposite of how I felt, I just didn't realize it. And then I was an idiot and called her Vanessa. I don't even know where I got that from, I don't know anyone named Vanessa. I knew her name was Valerie, but I wasn't paying attention to what I was saying. I wonder how that made her feel. I wonder if it bothered her for the rest of the day. Well she got her revenge, because the situation that had just played out this morning has been bothering me for the whole day.

Imagine what would of happened if that day went differently though. I would have asked her how she was, showing her that I cared. She would have replied and we would have had broken into this deep conversation about the most random things. Then the bell would ring for class to start, and I'd ask for her number and tell her that I would text her later. I'd hurry back to my seat and we would exchange glances every once in a while. After class, we would go our separate ways and we'd say hi to each other in the halls, and continue our conversation over text message when we got home later that night. We would talk more and more every day and we would soon become really close. She would care about me and have my back for everything and I'd do the same for her. Eventually I wouldn't be able to contain my feelings anymore, and I'd finally build up the courage to ask her out. And she would say yes. And I would spend every friday night with her, cuddling on the couch in my living room. The TV would be on, but whatever show was playing would have been irrelevant because we would have just been continuing our ongoing random conversation, laughing until we cry. And then we would have gone to prom together. I would be by her side the whole night whether she wanted to dance or just sit and make fun of the how incredibly lame prom actually was. Whatever would have made her happy I would have done for her. And I would be her boyfriend now, instead of freakin Adam. That's how I wish it happened, but sadly it's not, and for that reason, reality sucks.

My thoughts continue to drift off about what I could have done differently until the soft surface of a pillow unexpectedly collides with my face, making me black out for a few seconds. I sit up abruptly as my squinted eyes, filled with anger travel towards Michael who is currently wearing a smirk across his face.

"Would ya look at that?" Michael looks to Luke and then back to me, "He's alive,"

"Fuck you," I grunt, chucking the pillow back at him.

"Calum are you okay? Cause you've been laying there staring at the ceiling for like 20 minutes," Luke asks,

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm just tired," I reply as I get up and head for the door. "I'm think I'm gonna head back to my dorm and go to bed."

"Are you sure?" Luke calls to me, "It's only 6,"

I grab the knob and turn it, before looking back at him, "Yeah I just need some rest," I'm probably going to be doing the same thing I was doing here. I'm going to lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling, thinking of different ways things could have worked out between me and Val. But at least I'll be able to do it in the dark where no pillows can be thrown at my face. I turn back to the door and pull it open, when my eyes come to face her familiar brown ones. Her hand is raised as if she were about to knock with a big smile plastered across her face. However her smile soon fades when her eyes meet mine, so I move my gaze away from her and continue out of the room and down the hall.

That wasn't even close to my fantasy.

I try to shake her from my thoughts as I walk down the hall without looking back.

"Wait Calum," I hear her call after me.

I stop in my tracks and try to keep from smiling when I turn to see her running to catch up with me.

"Why are you leaving?" She asks when she finally reaches me.

"I'm going to my dorm to sleep," I reply

"At 6 pm?" She asks, clearly not buying my excuse, even though it's the truth.

"Yes. Don't you and Michael have a project to work on anyway?" I remind her, quickly changing the subject.

"Yeah, but I was kind of hoping I would run into you," Her reply totally taking me by surprise.

"Really?" I reply, as she slowly nods her head up and down. I give her a weak smile, crossing my fingers hoping that my cheeks are not as bright red as I think they are at the moment.

"Can we talk?"