10 Months Earlier: August
Tomorrow is the first day of senior year; and today is the last session with the therapist my mom got me when her and my dad found out about everything.
Lane. Sexual assault. Prison.
The loud ticking of the clock, is driving me insane and I feel my throat tightening at the thought of returning to my school here in Washington tomorrow.
I hadn't been there since December and my decision to return has already been made so there's no way I can run back to London.
"Lola?" Dr Fields breaks me out of my anxious thoughts and I hadn't noticed the patient he was with had left.
I stand up and walk into the room with him, taking a seat on the couch I've sat on every session this summer.
"So, how are we doing today?" He asks me holding up his small board with a pen in his hand.
"I'm okay, feel like I'm going to pass out, but I'm okay." I respond.
"And why is that?"
"School's tomorrow, I'm really nervous, I'm having second thoughts." I decide to open up to him a bit rather than being quiet than the last few times I was here.
"Oh, what are you most nervous about?" He asks.
"Seeing everyone, I don't know." I shrug, picking at my nails.
He then proceeds to asking me something I had no idea about.
Are you nervous to see Lane? His question pierces through me, catching me totally off guard.
"Lane?" My throat is dry and I feel vomit coming soon.
"Your mother said..." He trails off when he notices I don't know anything about the subject he just brought up.
"Lane's going to be at school tomorrow?" I ask, tilting my head.
"I'm sorry Lola. I assumed your mother told you, I didn't know you hadn't discussed it with her yet. They released him on parol, even though he has a few months left, his lawyer and mum pleaded the case to the judge and they're letting him start school again."
This cannot be happening.
Although I was meant to use today to go visit Lane in prison with my mum, after spending the entire summer reasoning with her on why I need to see him.
I need closure, I said, I feel bad for everything that happened, I lied.
The truth is I wanted to go over there and stab him in the back like he did to me, except mine will involve an actual knife piercing through his flesh.
But it wouldn't be a good idea to kill someone in prison, would it?
It wouldn't be a good idea to kill someone in general, I guess.
I haven't said anything to Dr Fields, and he begins to stroke the black beard that covers part of his dark mocha skin.
"Lola, I think you should be really careful about every decision you make this school year." He advises me.
Who asked for your advice? A part of me is annoyed and wants to snap back but I remain quiet and nod.
It's only been five minutes and I have fifty five left.
I tell Dr Fields, I'm unwell and at first he refuses to let me go home, but here I am driving down the road to my house after telling him I am having my 'monthly issues'.
Which of course was a lie but he couldn't keep me after I told him that.
I get to my street and see Lane coming out of a car with one of his brothers beside him, and his mum coming out the driver's seat.
Lane looks to my direction, but he doesn't even notice me.
