CERTIFIED GIRL FAG

Chapter XXVIII: Fickle-Minded

 I know I updated late again but I promise I will update earlier on the next chapters. I've just been busy lately and had an alone time vacation... distressing.

So here it is beautiful readers.

Thank you for the support. I love you all!

Vote and Comment please. :D

***

Scarlet’s POV:

I’ve been hurt before, many times. And most of the reasons behind it is because of my love for my bestfriend but nothing will compare it to what I’m feeling right now. I’m heartbroken...

It’s so painful, literally, that I almost can’t breathe. I even felt like my heart shattered into pieces and had no idea how to fix it. It’s like everything seems not in its right place. Like suddenly my life is so miserable and had no sense anymore.

And it’s all because I made my choice of letting him go.

At first, I was also surprised that I made that decision in just a blink of an eye. I almost wanted to run back where Raf stood, hug him and tell him that I was stupid for saying those things and that I take back what I said and we should just start things over, continue our life being best friends.

But no, I didn’t. And probably, will never do it.

As the words I told him sunk deep in me, I realized I wanted that more than anything. I wanted to have a peaceful life. With no worries about thinking what people think of me as Raf’s bestfriend. Especially to those people who tries to destroy our friendship. And the best part of doing this is to be able to build myself once again but... with no Raf in my life.

Wow. It still stung saying that to myself, no Raf... in my life. But I have to.

I want to feel having a normal life. Normal means letting myself fall for a guy who will love me just as I love him. Giving myself a chance to be happy and that Raf wouldn’t be the reason of it. However, I have no idea if I would be able to do it ‘coz I very well know no one can replace Raf in my heart. I’ve known it long enough that I will never love another man as much as I love Raf.

He is that one guy who makes me all giddily with just his smile. That one guy who can show different emotions in me that no person, for that matter, can do. And that one guy who makes me feel safe and calm just by looking into his eyes.

Of course there would always be buts...

But I’ve also known long enough that Raf will never love me more than his love for me as his bestfriend. He’s gay. I’ve known it in the first place but still I fell for him. As I set that (he’s gay) in my mind, it only destroyed the walls I built easily letting me fall deeply and Bam! I was drowned in it and can no longer find any will to escape.

It’s really quite hypocrisy when you say you never, or maybe try not to, expect that the one you love will also love you back ‘coz deep inside, even if you don’t want to feel it, you still end up thinking, hoping, imagining or even praying that maybe... just maybe, that person would see you in a romantic way and feels the same.

I did expect and look where it led me, I lost the battle. I gave up... but that doesn’t mean I’m weak. I just chose that decision which has a greater advantage for both Raf and I. With me out of the picture in Raf’s life, he would be able to do freely what he wants. He would not feel anymore anger or jealousy. And he would be happier showing his love for Liam without any stinting.

I felt my stomach twist saying those words. It still felt unreal but like I said, I have to continue my life with no Raf in it.

“She sells sea shells on the sea shore” A voice whom I’m very familiar with cut in with my sulking. I looked up from my bed to see Elina, standing at the side of my bed giving me a small smile.