Hold My Hand

37

*GEO*

   I feel like I'm gone all the time now. I'm either not home, or I'm home, but I'm busy broadcasting, making musical.lys or recording YouTube videos. I can feel Vanessa pulling away from me, and I can't stand it. It used to be that when I looked at her, her eyes sparkled...but now it just feels like she's simply waiting to say goodbye to me again.

   "Juwany why don't you invite Vanessa over for dinner? I feel like I haven't seen her in ages." My mom said.

   "She's at Cat's tonight. And they'll be together all day tomorrow too." I said sadly.

   My mom sat beside me on my bed and put her arm around me. "What's wrong papa?"

   I shrugged. "Nothing. I just...I feel like I'm waiting for Vanessa to break up with me."

   "Why?"

   "Because. We spend so much time away from each other and the different time zone thing gets crazy and when we try and make plans something always comes up. We haven't really spent time together in two months ma."

   "Well...baby you both knew this wouldn't be easy."

   "I know mom. But like...I don't know. For Thanksgiving I couldn't see her because we were in NewYork for the clothing line and for Christmas last week we were in Dallas. I don't even wanna make plans for New Year's because I'm afraid something is gonna come up."

   "Juwany you have to try. All either one of you can do is try."

   I sighed. "I know."

   "Cheer up sweetie. Everything will be ok."

   I nodded my head, even though for once, I didn't think my mom was right. I expect to be single very soon.

   After dinner I cleaned up the kitchen and called Julian for advice.

   "Just talk to her bro. You said she's with Cat tonight and during the day tomorrow, fine. So talk to her tomorrow night." Julian told me.

   "But I'm afraid that the next time we talk...she's gonna dump me."

  "I don't know what's gonna happen man. But wouldn't you rather know sooner than later?"

   "Mhmm. I guess so."

   "Ok then. So talk to her the next time you can. I gotta go, but goodluck."

   "Thanks. Bye."

   "Bye."

   I sat down on the floor in front of my bed and gave Rambo a belly rub.

   "You miss Vanessa too don't you? You like her belly rubs more than mine."

   He rolled back onto his paws, snorted, and walked out of my room. Yup. He likes Vanessa better. Even while I took a shower I couldn't get a single moment of peace. She dominated my thoughts.

   I've never felt this way about anyone before. She makes me so happy that it doesn't even make sense. I believe I am a better person when I'm with her because I wanna be a better person FOR her. She means so much to me, I don't wanna lose her.

   But then again...if she doesn't wanna be with me, I don't wanna waste my time. If I'm not making her happy anymore...she deserves someone who can.