I'm Just Septic-Eyed

Chapter 24: Carousel

A/N: If I could reply to all the comments, I would. But it also appears that Wattpad isn't showing me all the comments? Right now I just received notifications of comments that were apparently written yesterday. Strange. (Pity Party is also a song by Melanie Martinez btw. I just didn't feel like it was that identical to last chapter so I didn't put the song up.)

Mark opened his eyes and then shut them right after. The sun was streaming directly on his face. There was a slight pounding in his head from how much he drank last night; he couldn't remember for the life of him how much he actually drank. For some reason, one of his arms felt numb. He moved his fingers and it sent tingles down to his shoulder. Something felt off about the position he was in. This didn't feel like a bed. And boy did his neck hurt. Mark shot his eyes open when he recalled what happened last night. He was making giant wool penises with Bob and Wade, then he went out because Chica was barking, then... Mark gazed at Sean sleeping on his chest. Their legs were tangled together, Mark's arm was behind his head and the other was around Sean's waist, and Sean had both his arms wrapped around Mark.

Mark took both his arms and stretched as best as he could without moving too much. As the blood flow returned back to normal, it began to spread to his face. How could he get out of this? Sean was fast asleep and holding onto Mark tightly. There was no way Mark could leave before it got awkward. He cursed under his breath and searched the room helplessly. Sean stirred. "I can't feel my hands," he murmured in a voice that wasn't quite awake. He wiggled his arms out from under Mark, shifted around a bit, and then went back to sleep. Mark covered his face with his hands and threw his head back. He wanted to scream. There was no way a person could be so cute and aggravating at the same time.

Then, by some heavenly force, Mark's phone began to ring. Mark recognized it as the Skype ringtone. It must have been Bob and/or Wade calling about last night. When Sean groaned and began moving, Mark took the advantage to escape. He had to pull himself over the armrest for convenience, but that then landed him on the floor. He scrambled over to his phone (which was on the kitchen table) and answered it just in time. "Hey, guys," Mark tried to act as nonchalant as possible. "'sup?"

It was Bob and Wade as he predicted. Bob spoke first, "Mark, we -- are you on the floor?"

Mark tried to act surprised. "I'm what?" He put his hand to his head and glanced around. His head was on the tile of the kitchen floor while his body was in the living room. "Well, it appears that I am. Funny." He laughed nervously, but hesitated to sit up. Sean was in the living room and Mark didn't really want to open that can of worms yet. "I don't question your life, Bob." He glanced over to the couch as Bob continued talking.

"Whatever, man. You owe us an explanation."

"Uh-huh." Mark wasn't totally focused on the conversation. He was watching Sean carefully. The other man was barely sitting up and stretching. Mark needed his headphones before Bob or Wade blurted out something stupid. So, logically, Mark began inching across the floor while trying not to seem suspicious to either Bob and Wade or Sean. "Yeah. I'm working on that."

"Working on it?" Wade sounded skeptical. "You lived it, so shouldn't you know how to tell us?"

"Oh, yeah, totally." Once Mark reached the hallway he jumped up and sprinted toward his room. He plugged in his headphones and continued calmly, "So as I was saying..." Mark explained everything that happened to him and Sean during the past few months. All the details and all the mistakes leading up to last night. "Then we apparently fell asleep on the couch. Which was terrible because my neck is super stiff now."

After a moment of silence, Wade asked, "So did you see his penis?"

"Oh my God, Wade!"

Mark put his head down on his desk as Bob burst out laughing. He held a pleasant conversation with them, as all friends do to lighten the mood, until he decided he was ready to face Sean. Bob and Wade wished him luck on fixing his friendship, then the call ended. Mark sat there for a moment. He took in a deep breath and left his room. 

Sean was sitting on the couch. The TV was showing some random movie. Mark stood there, wondering how he should start. "You don't usually drink," Sean commented. He turned his head toward Mark. For a second, Mark felt exposed. "Is there something I missed?"

Mark couldn't make any words. He wanted to tell Sean how empty he felt -- how helpless. How only now did he feel his stomach growl and his eyes strain. But he couldn't. His mouth just wouldn't move. "I heard Cry and Felix talking one night," Sean said after he realized Mark wasn't going to speak. "They said you weren't answering them. Felix ran into Marzia once and that's when they found out you weren't going to work. So what happened to you?"

Mark tried to say something. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out, so he closed it. He squeezed his eyes shut. "I fucked up, okay? All I do is fuck up. I ruined my friendship with you, I-I couldn't protect you -- not even from myself. I haven't had a good nights sleep in days. Last night was the longest I slept since you left. I haven't eaten anything in a while, either. I barely had the energy to go to class. I-I... I just..." Mark balled his hands into fists and clenched his jaw. He wouldn't cry -- shouldn't. There was no reason for him to. Out of the two of them, Sean deserved to cry. At least in Mark's opinion. According to Mark, Sean was the one who went through all the pain.

Sean thought differently. Sean knew they were both in pain, but Mark was suffering for it. He was torturing himself and Sean needed to stop it. Sean stood up and walked toward Mark. He put one hand over Mark's fist. "You had no reason to be mad at yourself," he said softly. "It's not your fault. I'm not mad at you, I never was. There's no reason to be. We're still friends, Mark." Sean's mouth felt sour at saying they were friends. After everything that's happened, he finally realized something. He loved Mark.

Mark uncurled his fist and moved his fingers in between Sean's — right where they should be. He threw his other arm over Sean's shoulder and pulled him into a hug. But something about it didn't feel right with Sean. He just couldn't tell what it was.

A/N: I'm not exactly sure how this one went. I feel like I could've written it better, but for some reason I couldn't get what I wanted out of it. Oh well. But yay Jack realizes his love for Mark! It only took 24 chapters to get half the ship there ;) Anyway, let me know what you think!