Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
The Mary Sue that we will be slaying in this chapter is Mizu Akira from Marshmellowtime's "Tail of the Moon Wolf" (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6970483/2/Tail-of-the-Moon-Wolf)
What the shit is a Moon Wolf and what does it have to do with Naruto? Good Lord...
Moving on.
So we have a basic profile of this character. Let's look over it, shall we?
Mizu Akira ( Mizu- Water Akira- Morning Sun)~12 years old black hair that reached her hips with white at the bottom tips, a clump of hair that covers her one pale blue eye while her other eye is gray tinted with gold she also has black wolf ears and tail with white tips. She wears a white t-shirt that looks kimono like and hugs her body. The shirt leaves some open arm then continues to her wrist they connect by a lace string with a blue sash around her waist to keep it together, wears black shorts kinda like Sakura's.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Hold up a second. She's an inu? There aren't any Naruto characters that have ears and a tail. Not even Naruto himself, who by the way, has a fox demon inside of him. Additionally, there are too many physical traits. There's so much going on that it's hard to keep track of everything about this girl. I get that you want your character to look cool, but there's a difference between cool and too much. Either make her eyes one color or make her hair one color.
When her wolf spirit takes over her hair turns white with black tips and the same happens to her ears and tail. Her eyes turn into a very pale blue. When the dark spirit is called forth her eyes turn a blood red and her hair becomes pure black.
What is a wolf spirit? What is the dark spirit? How does this make sense in the Naruto universe? How does it fit into the plot? Why does Mizu have them?
Please consider those questions because right now it seems as if you just threw those things in there to make your OC seem awesome and over powered.
Man, at least her name isn't-
Wait a second...
Mizu Akira ( Mizu- Water Akira- Morning Sun)
What.
What is this?... Her name is Water Morning Sun. WHO WOULD NAME THEIR KID WATER? Just-
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
