Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
HELLO. YES, IT'S THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
I have a horrible confession to make. Such... such guilt plagues me when I recall the fact that I indeed made a Mary Sue. I gave birth to a monstrosity. A Kakashi loving, green haired monstrosity. There are only a few chapters since I can never really finish my stories, but god are they awful. I read over it a little while ago and never felt so disappointed in high school me.
Ren groaned as her senses flooded back into her body. Her muscles were screaming, especially her right shoulder. Her skin prickled against the cold, hard earth beneath her, and a vicious pounding had settled into her head. She coughed harshly, expelling pine needles and dirt from her mouth.
That comma after "her" is unnecessary.
What the hell... she thought as a deep scowl crossed her face.
She gingerly moved her limbs, but that was immediately thwarted by a stab of white hot agony emanating from her chest. She wheezed out, her eyes snapping open as the taste of blood splashed onto her tongue.
I... I can't breathe well. That tree...
Small flashes of memory surfaced in Ren's mind. She recalled falling. She didn't know from where or why, but it was clear that it had been completely unintentional.
When the hell is unforeseen falling anything other than unintentional. Really. No one throws themselves down a flight of stairs and calls it a successful Tuesday.
There was a tree that she had hit rather hard. Ren wearily glanced around, her forest like surroundings creating a tidal wave of panic.
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God. I did it. I did the classic "OC wakes up in a forest" insert GOD DAMN MY LIFE. WHY COULD I NOT BE A LITTLE MORE ORIGINAL. ALWAYS THE FOREST.
She had no idea where she was. Not the slightest clue. The brittle trill of a crow further worsened her headache, but it offered a moment of clarity from her pained stupor. She focused her waning energy on propping herself up with her arms, as well as figuring out just what happened.
I can't remember anything before falling... I had just finished that picture of-
Her thoughts were interrupted when her right arm folded underneath her weight. She cried out as her chest hit the ground with a dull thud. Instantaneously, her breathing became labored to the point where she thought she might pass out. Black dots flitted across her field of vision, their fleeting movements barely registering in Ren's mind. A brief strand of information eagerly reared its head as her subconscious fumbled for aid.
