Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
I AM MASTERING THE GIF MAKER. I SHALL BECOME THE MEME LORD.
Jk not really. Pretty sure a five year old could use it better than I can. Anyways, Milo and I have begun to tackle the Round 1 List of Suggestions. The first story on our little list is Sand and Stars (A Gaara Love Story) by Kunoichi101 suggested by RomanNxmerals. Thank you!
The story follows Rin Mizuka, a girl accused of slaughtering her entire clan. She's given an S rank and sought after by the Akatsuki because of her oh so special ability. She can copy anybody's Kekkei Genkai or any power she seeks. She doesn't even have to make seals either. Did I mention that she can change her eye color and "can do whatever she seeks with the use of her mind". So... a character that can do literally anything she wants... with her mind... Interesting.
The author chose to add a warning that reads: She might seem like a Mary Sue character at first, but don't worry, it will not last.
I read ahead to Chapter 13. She's blowing people up with her mind. I'm going to go ahead and say that's false.
I need to point out something that irked me a bit. This is the very first sentence of the introduction:
I do not own the pictures in the cover, but I made it, so I guess it's mine.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Just because you used pieces of other people's art and created a new medium doesn't mean it's suddenly yours. Those drawings were not done by you. You made the cover, yes, but you still need to give credit to the ones that did those drawings. They're not yours to commandeer. Especially since (I'm assuming) all you did was superimpose those pictures over each other. Moving on.
Rin's story starts out with her in Sunagakure.
It was midnight. I was staying here in Suna for almost a month now. I was just staying here, which also meant that I had no home to go back to. It really wasn't a big deal since I live by myself stealing food in places. I didn't know why I felt safe here, no one ever spotted me being a Mizuka, and no Akatsuki ever went to this village.
Comma usage is a bit strange in the last sentence. I'd just put a period after "here" and start a new sentence without the comma.
No one recognized me because I changed my eye color to plain black. Yes, I could change my eye color, there wasn't any big deal about it.
...
"I can just change my eyes to whatever color I want. It's not a big deal loser."
You're making it a big deal by restating a simple fact. She wouldn't stress it like that if she wasn't trying to drag attention to it.
