Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
THE SUES ARE DROPPING LIKE FLIES NOW. I got back into the swing of things and realized how sweet it is to sink your claws into a Miss Perfect.
Milo and I have received another suggestion. This one comes from Midori_Kasey. The title of the book is called Desperate and it's by Midori_Kasey them self. It basically centers around a bunch of friends that get sucked into the Naruto world and get to meet their crush. From first glance the story isn't written badly, so I may have to get a bit nit picky with this one.
BEFORE I EVEN GET TO THE ACTUAL STORY, YOU NEED TO LOOK AT THIS MASTERPIECE.
SOMEONE CALL HOLLYWOOD. I THINK WE HAVE A MASTER DIRECTOR OVER HERE. Give this author an Oscar. To be honest I'd probably do way worse if I tried. Drawing is Milo's department.
Let's knock out the character bios. Feel free to skip down to Chapter 1 if you'd like to jump right into it.
Name: Samantha (middle name you'll find out later) Young Nicknames/preferred names: Sam, Sammy (there's one more but it has major importance in the story so I'm not going to tell you)
I mean...if you're not going to tell us then just don't include it. I'd just leave the comments in the parenthesis out.
Age: 23 Personality: shy when faced with her crush, evil when faced with people who hurt her friends/family/loved ones, insane when faced with her friends, loves to crack insane jokes and tease her friends to the point where other people call her mean. Appearances: 5'7'' (tallest in the group), long, fiery red hair, green eyes flecked with gold (they resemble a forest if you look at them closely enough), wears glasses but when they enter Naruto she doesn't need them anymore Likes: writing, reading, drawing, watching anime, Naruto (the anime), Kakashi Hatake, annoying Kakashi Hatake Dislikes: attention being called to her, bugs, bees, pain, fire (again, you'll find out later) Preferred jutsu: water all the way!! Note: becomes a neko once they enter Naruto
There are a few things I'd remove. The first one is the "turns evil when her loved ones are hurt" bit. Authors tend to use that line a lot. People in general get mad when family/friends are treated badly anyways so it isn't that necessary to the character description. Her eyes must be pretty damn special to look like a forest. That's a bit over the top for me. You can leave out the "dislikes pain" part... Most people I know dislike pain. That's normal and nothing worth mentioning. The only time I'd mention pain in a character bio is if they enjoyed it.
Name: Kirimina Sarah Chung
Is she half Japanese and half Chinese? If not then what the hell were her parents thinking when they named her. Dear god. That's the strangest mix of names I've ever seen.
Nicknames/preferred names: Kim, Kimmy, Kim-chan (only Sam calls her that) Age: 18 3/4
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
