Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
It's Trash_Tanuki. Ha-Ha-Hoooooly shit. College. College man. I literally...I've experienced an entire high school career worth of stress in one semester. FUN. SO MUCH FUN. I had a Psychology final that kicked my ass. Stress is my motivator, which will most likely leave me dead by the ripe age of 31. LET'S GET INTO THIS SUE BEFORE I HAVE AN ANEURYSM.
This story is called Angels Second Chance (No apostrophe. We're off to a good start apparently.) by girlstar142. Angel is an orphan that gets killed in our world and then magically makes five wishes including reincarnating in Naruto. This was a suggestion and I forget who suggested it. My brain is deteriorating. Please comment on this portion so I can add your username in.
So the author starts off with a bit of a disclaimer.
HELLO NARUTO LOVERS! THIS IS MY FIRST NARUTO FANFIC SO I HOPE YOU LIKE IT AND PLZ DON'T HATE. I DONT REMEMBER EVERYTHING OF NARUTO AND I DEFINITELY DONT OWN IT. I WILL ADD MY OWN TWISTS AND TURN TO THE PLOT SO EVERYTHING WONT BE THE SAME. ENJOY!!!!
Alright. Nice to see someone who's so enthusiastic about writing. I'll try to keep this more towards the side of constructive criticism. It's good that someone isn't just inserting their character into the Naruto plot. I actually have a bit of hope for this story. Let's look at the first few sentences-
Angel was a kind and sweet girl who was smart and beautiful. She was known for her genius-ness and amazing martial arts ability.
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She had great talent but a terrible life with less opportunities. As an orphan she grew up in an orphanage with people who were jealous of her abilities and treated her horribly. She was starved,beaten up, and kicked out. The orphanage didn't let her go to school so she spent almost her entire life in the library reading which built her great amount of knowledge and great memorization. She also read about fighting skills and martial arts and learned them via book and self teaching.
Whoa whoa whoa let's take it down a notch here. Her attributes are a bit overbearing and the abused orphan child angle is stale. Orphanages are not horrible places, yet somehow most people cast them in that light. Why would they not let her go to school, yet she can read as many books as she likes? I mean she'd just be sitting around since she couldn't go to class. Wouldn't the orphanage put her to work? Doesn't make too much sense.
It's extremely hard to teach yourself martial arts just by book. I took martial arts. Kung Fu to be exact. I know weird one to pick, but I got to use a sword. Made my life. Anyways, you really need an instructor to watch how you're executing the movements so they can adjust your stance and/or posture. She had no sparring partner on top of that and therefore no way to test her skills. She would be a terrible martial artist unless she was self teaching for a decade. It's like trying to be a soccer player simply by reading a book. Instructors are necessary for some things.
