Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
Someone pierce my eyes out with a rusty spoon. Please. Gouge them out like you're scooping ice cream from a tub.
I have another lovely Sue caught in my claws today. This one is by far the worst Naruto Original Character. Allow me to introduce you to Akane, the main character of a story called I'm not a demon! (Naruto fanfiction). Created by XPersona4, Akane is a sue of limitless power. The author literally describes her power as limitless. Great. Not OP at all. She also has the spirit of a dead priestess inside her, with absolutely no description of how it happened.
There is apparently only one revised chapter to this story. The original has much more to it, but it's about a thousand times worse. I wanted to give the author the benefit of the doubt and just focus on this. Let's get to it.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Lord Hokage, are you in there?" A man's deep voice asked.
"Yes, come in."
The door opens and two men enter, followed in by a young girl, who was then followed by an older female. All but the young girl were wearing white and red masks with some type of animal featured on each.
Alright so I'm assuming the "white and red masks" are describing ANBU. Now, as you may know, the ANBU are some of the best ninjas Konoha has to offer. Their skills are extensive. One of these skills is being able to detect other's chakra. The male ANBU depicted here would not need to ask the Hokage if he was in the room. He would have already known. All he needed to do was knock and ask permission to enter.
"Thisgirl was found outside the gates. According to reports, she was there for well over 3 hours, and was acting strange. She didn't respond to the guards when she was being questioned, and refused to move from where she was. We were called in, and decided to bring her to you." The tallest man reported.
The regular Konoha guards don't have the authority to call in ANBU... The Hokage reserves that right. They have much more important things to do than assisting the guards. Also, why the hell wouldn't off duty guards be able to take her to the Hokage? She's ten! She falls far below their capabilities.
"Yes, very well. You may leave now, I will deal with her personally." Lord Hokage replied.
The ANBU apparently leave after saluting, which they sure as hell never do in Naruto. This is an anime based on aspects of Japanese culture. They would bow to show signs of respect. Do your research.
"You have finally come dear." The Hokage started.
"Yes grandfather, but... I don't know what he'll do if he knows I'm here... The village might be in danger." Akane said, looking down at her shoes.
"Whom are you speaking of?"
"Orochimaru-Sama..." She said in obvious fear.
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