Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
WE HAVE ANOTHER REQUEST. We only have five followers and yet here I am. Gettin' all excited and what not. It's 3:13 AM and Zeus has unleashed his fury outside of my house. I may appear tough and strong but Trash_Tanuki is a little bitch when it comes to storms. I literally spent thirty minutes fixing a flashlight just in case my phone isn't bright enough.
Anyways, the Sue I'm killing today belongs to a story called Lost by SympathyToVillains. It was requested by otakmoo (THANK YOU), who sums up the first few chapters perfectly. "If I were to sum her up with the first few chapters I read...she's a female Sasuke (meaning her entire clan got slaughtered and she is forever emo ) and is the jinchuuriki of the effing ten tails for no reason ".
Well. This sounds interesting.
I'd bring a poncho. There's going to be a bit of blood.
We have a bit of an introduction before the story begins.
"My name is Kaji Tora. I like blood, killing, and training. I hate everything, except Naruto. My hobbies, are none of your business. My dreams for the future? I don't dream."
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I can already tell the author is trying way too hard to make this Sue dark. I mean, "I hate everything,"? That's something an emo twelve year old would say. Also, having your character tell readers that something is "none of their business" isn't a good idea. It only made me annoyed by Kaji and we aren't even to Chapter One yet.
Japanese Side Note: I did a little research on this Sue's name with my dictionary. I started with the last name. Tora means tiger. Not too bad. It's her first name that gets a little weird. Kaji has a few different definitions; rudder, helm, wheel, household affairs, housework, fire, conflagration. So, unless you want someone to read your character as Housework Tiger, I suggest you look up more natural Japanese names (or specify the kanji used).
Rejection. Hatred.
Those are the only things I feel now. After the murder of my clan, there isn't any point in trivial feelings. Hate and anger are the only things that get you farther in life. That's why I use every ounce of my hatred to train.
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