Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
Your face when you've been gone for about a decade and haven't gotten to requests...
Anyways, it's been a while. Finals didn't go so well for me (Trash_Tanuki). I suppose the first semester doesn't always go so well for everyone. I had (kind of still do) to deal with far more drama than I would have liked.
Today's Sue has been brought to us by TheEvilWithin12, which is of his/her own creation. His name is Honecatta, pronounced Hoe-neigh-caught-ah... Interesting... Not how Japanese phonetics work, but we'll talk about that later. Are you ready to see this GaryStu decapitated? I've been ready since I got back.
So basically this story is an alternate universe in Naruto. You need to take everything you know about Naruto history after Asura and Indra and throw it right out ya' brain. I like when people take large creative bounds when it comes to the Naruto story and this will make it much easier to make things flow since original characters will most likely not be present. I hope.
A young male is in the village hidden in the mist. The entire village it's constantly covered with which is where the name comes from. It's architecture is strangely circle based, with everything from the Kage office to dessert shops.
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I can already tell this is going to be THRILLING. First, it's Village Hidden by Mist. Proper nouns should be capitalized and I'm pretty sure Masashi capitalized it too. Second, let's talk about the difference between "it's" and "its". "It's" means "it is" while "its" shows something's possession, such as "Its red eyes were gleaming in the inky sky.". The sentence, "It is architecture is strangely etc.." doesn't sound right. I'd rephrase the second sentence. It sounds more like a casual statement that I'd find in a junior high research paper than a book I'm reading. Explain how the mist covers the village. Is it low hanging mist that chokes the air with its dense, cloying tendrils? Is it light, airy vapor that clings to even the tallest structure? Writers map out how a reader should be imagining their story. I'm a bit lost here.
The entire village is covered in plateaus, where the wealthy have build houses on top of these plateaus. These same plateaus are mostly surrounding the village, acting as a wall from intruders.
Please find another word besides plateaus. Please.
A young male is walking through the streets of the mist village, taking a back alley as a shortcut. When he comes out on the other end, he gets hit with the smell of the area. A mix of fish, chocolate, cooked rice, and fresh cut grass.
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