Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
Hello once again! I'm back at it again with the bad OCs! The Marry Sue that I have caught in my trap today is Cherry Blossom from KikyoFernandesGoddess of music and elements {Sasuke x oc}.
She's a Goddess.... and her name is "Cherry Blossom"? So you mean Sakura, right?
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OKAY. WELL. NICE TRY.
Let's move on to the summary, shall we?
She's a goddess, a newborn one. She is 4 years old and was found by the Akatsuki.
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That's it? There might as well not be a summary; It's literally just two sentences that aren't anything special. If you want to attract readers, you have to have a good summary. I can forgive the summary being two sentences if it weren't for the fact that it sounds unfinished. It feels like there should be more after that second sentence. If any writing sounds unfinished then you should look over it and see if there's more to add.
Now that I'm through with the summary, it's time for the actual story. Get ready for this one kids, I have a feeling that this is going to be one hell of a ride.
She's one of the strongest God, she brought up by the Akatsuki.
Kane, correct me if I'm mistaken, but there aren't any Naruto characters who're gods. How's this going to work out in the story? I'll give her a fighting chance and not tear her apart... yet.
Yeah no. Characters like Madara strive to achieve god like power and call themselves gods, but no one is actually awarded that title. There aren't any gods in Naruto.
Another comment:
This is extremely choppy. Here's a tip: read things out loud to yourself. If it makes you cringe, reword it in a way that doesn't. On top of that, I already see several Mary Sue traits with this kid. She's one of the most powerful gods, but isn't she a newborn? How could that even be possible?
She can control elements. Her voice can heal and destroy.
WHY IS SHE SO OP? SHE'S FOUR! She does not need to have all these powers. I get that she's a god, but if she's a new born, she shouldn't be that strong to begin with.
