CONFESSIONS.

002.

Well, I don't know where to start. I guess back in middle school.

Im from in a fairly middle-class family with two (now three) sisters and a mother. I didn't ask for much, since my sisters do most of that, and I received alright grades, not failing any classes. I didn't have many friends, but I was alright with that. A lot of people ask me why I don't mind having any friends and I tell them they're not necessary to live, so I don't need them. Around the middle on sixth grade, I came to this realization that I didn't really have anything that I wanted so there was really no reason for me to try my hardest and become this model daughter I knew my "mother" (I call her that because I'm not particularly fond of that woman) wanted, since her other daughters weren't that smart, So, after that episode, I stopped caring and became the "emo one" that no one really talked to or want to talk to because they weren't striving to become anything.

I became an empathetic person with no beliefs or wants and everyday I went through school not really caring and when I got home I closed myself in my room and either slept or sat there until I could sleep (my mother wouldn't let me sleep sometimes until after 9, since I got home at around 5:30, I usually tried to go to sleep at 6). I didn't get anything done at home, the only work I did was at school. I didn't have any friends to hang out with, so essentially I was the recluse. I don't really talk to anybody, and sometimes it gets to me. I wouldn't say anybody really cares about me at home besides a select few at school (probably 2 people), and my mother just wants me to "be successful". I can't stand her, really. She cares too much about things out of her parental jurisdiction. I barely care enough about her to call her my mother. I don't really care about anybody besides some transgender girls who doesn't talk to me anymore. I guess KPop (and flailing my arms around to it) is sort of my escape. I don't have my phone right now, my mother is possession of that because of a "dirty" room.

I guess this is me today. The only reason I do this whole wattpad thing is to busy myself and try not to hurt my mother, who is currently "emptying my room" because she walked in and found three empty glasses. Im at my great grandparent's home right now, as not to tempt myself. I know this isn't such a "healthy life to live", but Im getting by, somehow.

- self diagnosed "depression" female (nickname)

p.s. Reading over that has kind of made me even more depressed, but I'll get over it.

p.p.s. I forgot to mention that I'm under the influence that my sisters are more loved than me, either because of my stand-offish personality or just because they need the encouragement or something sappy like that.