CONFESSIONS.

044.

so i had a friend - let’s just call him ethan - and i went to his birthday party but had to leave early because I was so anxious i couldn’t breathe because my parents just told me they were getting a divorce. Two of the people at the party decided to come with me because Ethan was being a dick and saying shit like “it’s my birthday so give me your phone and i’ll text whoever i want” and “i don’t care if you’re anxious it’s my party so quit being depressing” So the two people came to my house and hung out- i was too out of it to tell them that they should’ve stayed... so ethan decided that i’m a horrible person who bullies people and likes to ruin birthday parties. I’ll remind you that ethan and I have been friends since 1st grade (we are freshman now) and he just randomly turned on me and told my crush - let’s call him joe - anyway ethan told joe’s girlfriend (calling her sally) sally that I liked joe. Joe and Sally were both my friends until Ethan gave sally my phone number and she decided to play tricks on me anonymously with messages like “So I hear you like my boyfriend? good luck skank” and shit like that - but I knew it was her so i texted back that i did like joe and i didn’t care if she knew because i’m not gunna mess up their relationship because i like someone and she said “ok bitch. don’t start shit with me”  etc... blah blah blah. Anyway, back to Ethan. Ethan was helping Sally bully me and i got anxious and had a breakdown in the middle of a study hall that they were in. i asked to go to the nurse and when I got there i just started bawling. i told the nurse what happened and sally got called to the nurses office so she texts me and she’s like “wow i didn’t even bully you” and blah blah blah again. anyway i got so anxious that I went home and didn’t go to school for a week. when I got back, there were people that wanted to know why I was gone so I explained it to them. I said that I was being bullied and shit happens. One of them found out who was bullying me - they found out ethan was doing it through sally’s phone. so then ethan texted me and said “ur making me lose friends stop telling people what happened” and this is the confession part: I told him it was ironic and funny. I told him if he decided to try and bully me again or make sally do it, I was going to ruin their reputations. and I don’t regret it... which is horrible.

Next part of this... well... I have leukemia and I posted a joke on instagram like “oh what do you mean you don’t have a nurse that comes to your house and draws blood every thursday?” and sure enough hERE COMES ETHAN READY TO BITCH! he PMs me and says “ok that post just makes you look like an attention whore” i responded in the way i knew would piss him off the most. “k.” Angry ethan then says “you need to not post shit like that”  so i respond in another way to piss him off. “Thanks for your opinion.”

anyway my second confession here is that I blocked him.

The final thing here... about 7 months before all this shit happened, my family went on a vacation and we brought ethan with us. so we spent like $8000 on him and then he turned on me.

Everything just decided to go wrong at once. first cancer, then parents getting a divorce, then getting bullied by someone I trusted.

so i guess the main confession here... i’ve been suicidal since 3rd grade. And i realized that the main reason I would kill myself would be because of someone i thought was my best friend.

oh well there’s my sob story.