CONFESSIONS.

010.

So I would start off with this. I'm a fairly well liked girl online with followers and supporters for my a.f, and honestly, I feel happy whenever I see tons of messages from my friends, and I'm one that can be considered as a Social Butterfly - Whoever you know, there's a 60% chance I heard of them before or is actually one of my friends. One of my bestfriends actually were like " I would be like ' who's this _____ that knows everyone? ' if I don't know you " and honestly, I wish that could be the same in real life, but no.

I'm hated in real life. Classmates shun me, virtually friendless, and enemies everywhere. One girl actually cried out " NOOOOO I DON'T WANT HER " when I was going to be in her group. Pathetic I know. Another male made it clear he didn't like me, writing my name like it was scrawled by a five year old and never typing it with capital letters. The only thing I'm lacking from them honestly, is physical abuse.

I cry each week since the end of last year, and recently, everyday or so. It's became a habit and I feel so goddamn weak. After talking to my online friends since I don't have any in real life, they agreed that I need help. But I don't know where to get it. Family? They'll list all my faults. Teachers? We all know that species can't fucking keep their mouth shut. Go to the counsellor's room at recess? Nooooo. The attention and teasing would kill me.

' Kill yourself ' ' You're cancer ' ' Fuck off ' is what I get on a daily basis. Recently, I found I've been using it on my brother. Bravo classmates. You guys did this to me. Bravo sire. Honestly, the only reason I'm not cutting is firstly, I'm scared of pain, secondly, how'd I hide the cuts? So, I've been using a ruler to pull my skin, and the red lines left after each pull is satisfying. Can't cut? Okay, I'm using a red pen to draw blood on my wrist.

I'm not saying it out loud cause I want attention. I hate it if my friends are not with me in fact, I can't even give a presentation without speaking fast just so I can get off faster, and they don't hear me clearly. I have stage fright, and blending in with the crowd soothes me a lot. So no, I don't want attention or sympathy, I just want you guys to know that someone is not okay.

I'm sick. And to be honest, most of you won't even know I'm like this without me telling you guys. I'm just your regular, sassy somewhat social butterfly. I may seem okay, but I'm not.

And billions of people online could have been Depression patients or still is. Please, just care for them. I know quite a few in my own circle, and I used to tell them to cheer up, but right now, it's so fucking hard. Please, please, please. Notice the symptoms because I didn't know I was until a friend told me straight out.

Honestly, I'm just begging you all to watch out for the people around for you.

~ Mist

" When I feel needed, I hang around. When I don't, I fade away. "