CONFESSIONS.

028 and 029.

1] The first confession isn't quite so bad. I've made some amazing friends on here, and I love each and every one of them. However, there was someone else. A lot of the people I dated about most met her, and I pretended to like her. For about a week, I felt so jealous of her because none of those people would talk to me. At the time, I was dealing with a breakup (which goes along with the second confession), and I didn't have anyone to talk to at all. I was way too shy to speak to them first, and I just remained lonely for those days. It was horrible, and all I did was practice on my violin and check for my LED to begin flashing. It never did.

2] I fell in love with a boy. I'm also a boy. Can't tell you how many discriminatory lines I've ever heard. But that's not what this confession is about. I fell in love with him from the moment we began talking. I remember messaging him after I read his book. Never before has anyone been able to make me feel the butterflies for days on end, and never have I cared for someone so, so much. We started dating, but I rushed it all. Four days after we met, i asked him out, and he obliged. Unfortunately, things didn't work out for much over a month. I can't tell you how much I love that kid, and how much it broke my heart to have to sit there and argue with him. He muted me, right after.
Shortly before this, relatives of mine passed away within the same week. I didn't make Kendall (violin, one of the top Honours groups in the county/state that I'm from), and I was extremely depressed.

A little over a week later, I overdosed. I promised my closest friends that I wouldn't. I promised them that I would at least wait until the weekend, and then I'd talk to them. I didn't make it to the weekend. The next day, I went to school so high that I couldn't process half of anything. I explained what I did to my closest "irl" friend, and she told me that she couldn't have been happier just to know that I was alive. My symptoms lasted for about six days, and we had a five-day weekend due to the hurricane and power outages. My tremours were so bad that I could barely walk, my hallucinations were so bad that I couldn't sleep, and my eyes were dilated so much that it hurt.
Things didn't get better. I was growing more and more depressed, I was experiencing symptoms of withdrawals, and I wished that I had "killed myself properly."
Today, a family member sent in more of my medication. I can't bring myself to take it, and I'd much rather deal with my panic attacks than risk ending my life again. Tomorrow, I have the first round of all-state auditions, and I have very high expectations of myself. So, I know that if I don't make it, I will attempt to end my life again. So I threw the bottle away.
Fortunately, the boy I fell in love with has begun talking with me again, thanks to my stepbrother and my very close friend. I fall in love with him all over again every morning, and sometimes I'm able to call him on Skype.
Thanks for reading all of that.
Suicide or simply attempting suicide isn't worth it. Nonetheless, it doesn't end any of the pain. It just carries that burden on to others.
-Spooky