CONFESSIONS.

011.

ok so, i was born as any other person. someone without a care, someone who was confident for who they were. but growing up, i realized that there was another world. a real one, where people don't care about you and you have to face hate. and with that, i changed. my self esteem dropped so low, it was negative. my self confidence was long gone. but i met this person. who seemed like a ray of light, hope for me. they befriended me, and i thought i could be myself around them. and i could. it was just the two of us, against the world. but two became three, and three became four. but then four became two. and i was not one of the two. my 'friend' all of a sudden got a gf, who is the only thing they talks about these days. the thing is, i was so happy for them, and befriended their gf. but how was i supposed to know their gf was trying to replace me? as my 'friend''s best friend. their gf started acting exactly like me, making people call her sexual names, her otp is yoonmin, and she even changed her bias & ult to yoongi. i recently go a bird named chim chim and a cat named syub syub, a day later, their gf buys both a bird and a cat, naming them jimin and yoongi. my 'friend' posts their conversations all the time, and one of them had said that their gf has replaced me as my friend's best friend. and my 'friend' agreed. yesterday, my friend called me their best friend. you don't know how much i wanted to say that i wasn't their best friend, that i never would be. because their gf is their best friend, isn't she? and now, im stuck in a situation in which if i stop being friends with them, i'll return to being a quiet, antisocial, lonely nobody. because everyone who talks to me loves my friend much much more. they are everything that i am not. they're beautiful, they're funny, they're not me. and that's what people want. my "friends" will instantly take her side and stop talking to me, and i'll be alone. not that im already alone. and im in that situation where, i know that nobody loves me, nobody is there for me, and nobody will ever be. because i'm not as perfect as them, and i never will be. so here i am, alone, not knowing what to do. and on the weekdays i always see them and that's when im in pain the most. im friendless and afraid. i don't have anyone. and i really try to stay happy, but i just can't. i don't want to be alive or deal with any of this shit when everyone is just treating me like shit. im nothing to them. always have been. the only reason i have friends is because of them. they're not even friends. my friends are just their friends.

- trash