CONFESSIONS.

056.

i'm sorry if i sound really weird or anything, i just had to put this out.

It all started last year, on the second semester, my religion teacher usually changes our religion class' seats into a random order each semester and being her student since the first year, I got myself a plan. She usually tells the girls to find a seat that they're comfortable with and then make the boys choose a seat for themselves after. I got a lot of boys that I never spoke with to sit with me and all of them got kinda awkward. I prefer sitting with girls, because I don't really have a boy that shares the same class with me to talk with until my friend, lets call him Gary, tagged along. So the both of us planned to sit together and deceive our teacher, but she decided to change her plans. When I found a seat to settle in, that was near with all my other friends, my teacher yelled out "Brandon! Find yourself a seat!" and I freaked out. She was calling out each boy's name one by one, and someone might want to sit with me. At first, I thought that no one would want to since I'm not popular and not many people from other classes knew my name. Oh boy, I was wrong. Gary's eyes went wide and my stomach fell down when I saw a boy pushing his bag towards my way and telling me to move aside. I was devastated.

I quickly noticed the boy, lets call him Sin since he's gonna be mentioned a LOT. He used to sit in front of me at the first semester, he usually borrowed my pen and all that other stuff but we never really spoke about anything else. At first I thought "Why did he wanted to sit with me?" and I never knew why to be honest. He didn't speak to me at all and he just rolled with it while I had to send disappointed glances at Gary who seems rather sad. We moved on and left to our next class period after.

After a week, I dreaded to go back to religion class, especially when some random boy is blocking me from talking with my friend. One thing that I remember is that I used to tun a social media account which had a ton of following, I used to do edits and graphics on a game there which got me a few friends along the internet. Some of my close friends knew that I had the said account and we'd often talk about it. It didn't took long for Sin to overhear my friend's conversation with me, so I halfheartedly explained to him. After knowing that I had a big following and checking the account, he decided to follow the account and ask for my LINE ID. Sin and I talked everyday, we would say hi to each other at lunchtime, he would wave away when I'm on my P.E. period and I would constantly message him on LINE. Firstly, we talked about the channel but after a week of talking, he asked me about wherether I was sick or about my pet cat and his favorite anime and I would ask him about his siblings or what class period would he take after. Our teacher would call on us but nonetheless, it all went well. That was until she came.

I never thought of Sin more than a good friend. But a girl, I'll call her Joy, did. She had always had her eyes on Sin, wherever he goes, on the religion class period, when he was in his class, and when he was talking to me, she was just everywhere. One day, the girl came to me and told me to suck in every single information that I had and could take from the boy or else she would tell her friends or the whole school that I have a crush on him, which was a lie. Intimidated and threatened, I agreed and started to talk more to him, asking him light things along the way. Though he seemed happy to chat with me, Joy's image was still running at the back of my head. Each night or after school, I would LINE her the information and give her his LINE ID as a cherry on top. It didn't seem wrong to me at first, the semester passed and I was grateful that I won't share seats with him ever again and forget that we've sat together. But it sounds too easy to forget.

During the semester break, he would ask me why I wasn't responding to his messages. As much as I want to, I don't want my feelings in a twist or Joy watching me. So I ignored it and moved on. After the break is done, I had this disease that is quite physical and everyone could see it, the doctors said that I'll be fine but my friends where shocked. Nobody dared to ask me about it, scared to hurt my feelings by to looks of it, but I told my close friends about it. A day before the religion period occurs, my friend Lina told me that Sin asked why I was sick and she told him the reason. He was really worried, that was what she explained. I'll admit that my heart skipped a beat listening to that. At night, I sent him a message saying I was fine and he responded right away telling me to get well soon with a few other messages. I was happy, but I never knew that someone else was fuming.

My friend, lets call her Drama (because that's what she causes), knew the password to my LINE account and for some reason, she posted my conversation to our class group chat which ended up to Sin's class group chat and many more. First thing in the morning when I went to school, Joy and her group of friends were sending death glares to me, at first I was confused, but Gary immediately while panicking explained it to me. I was shocked in so many levels.

I immediately ran to Sin's class and asked if it was him who sent it, he told me that he saw it but it was on my point of view and we argued, that was until Drama stepped up from my class and explained, I wanted to throw some hands but it honestly wasn't the time. I forgave her and we all retreated back to our classes. That was until language arts period, I heard a few whispers thrown to me while people passed to take their books, "bitch" and "slut" were the most common. I shrugged it off, thinking that it want meant for me, boy was I wrong. When religion class occur and the same seat ritual was about to be done, a saw a paper being in between my books, I didn't really wanted to remember what was written on it but it was really vulgar. I was confused at first and then threw it away. Thankfully for all concerned, I didn't sit with Sin, instead, I sat with a boy who was really quiet during the semester so we never really interacted and gave each other space. Sin and I talked, more offline than online and we were always helping with each others crap. That was until I made an instagram account, not long after the creation, Sin followed me and so did a lot of our friends and I got a direct message from someone none other than Joy. She told me to ask Sin to follow her and when I said I don't think I can, she told me to unfollow him. I was rather confused because the account wasn't up for longer than three days. The girl started to beg and beg until I was devastated. I blocked her and everything stopped, for a while that is. She made extra accounts, threatening and begging me on each. I ignored all the dms and moved on with my life.

After a few months, I got news. Sin has a girlfriend. Now, I wasnt really impacted from this, though my heart crumbled a little bit. Nobody specified who it was but Sin was kind enough to tell me who it was

The girl was pretty, way prettier than me. And she sounded like a perfect fit for him rather than me (they broke up later though), but whats bothering me is that Joy is speculating that I got together with Sin and abandoned our "friendship" for love. She called me a whore, slut, bitch, and more. All of those things were said through my accounts but not in real life as she always gave plastic smiles towards me offline. But she wasnt alone, her group of friends would constantly bash me and say the same horrible things to me. As of now, Sin and I dont talk that often since the rumours occur from Joy's group, I dont blame him really. I'm kind of sad, but I've found new friends and pals to spend time with. The harassment that they gave shed down but they've broke a good friendship that I had with a boy that I platonically and truly liked. I just want to graduate and not think about Joy nor her group anymore.

Okay, that was it !! Thank you for listening to my confession. ❤