CONFESSIONS.

013.

I don't really know who I am. For a long time, I've been called out for a lot of things, and somewhere along the way I decided that instead of suffering from listening to people say the same things, it would be easier if I could just call them out myself before anyone else, and it would hurt less when someone else did. It did, but I ended up changing myself. I feel like I would've ended up being a much better person if I hadn't, maybe someone who likes helping people and etc. But now I'm just a bitch with an arrogant personality that I can't seem to change. I've always wanted to be best at something. I didn't care what, just the best. Because then, I'd have something to be proud of for myself. But one of things I've always really wanted to be is the smartest. I work so hard and still I can't get to where I want. I'm almost always an A-B student (I've only missed one ore two quarters in 8 years, thanks to Algebra) but my dad is always so disappointed when I get an A-B honor roll, but he doesn't understand how hard it is to manage 8 classes!! I always hate when my parents compare me to other people in my class because I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm antisocial and I find it too hard to find friends, especially after having some "friends" that ruined my self esteem. It's an absolute THRILL to have people laugh at your weight, have no one to defend you and even have your friends pitch in. And then with my parents arguing 70% of the time when my dad is home leaves me with so little peace in a day. I've tried to kms once and two times I've been at that stage where I seriously considered it. Thankfully, I've had Bangtan to help pull me through. I honestly don't think I'd be here if it wasn't for them and they've helped me so much. Some people don't understand that when I say I owe them my life, I literally owe them my life. Anyways I'm depressed and I don't know what I'm doing or who I am but Bangtan is my silver lining and my happiness, and they're there for me.

- the dark side of the sun