CONFESSIONS.

004.

Well... I guess here goes nothing

I have a pretty good life I guess, I mean. I have aroof over my head and food in my stomach. And people that may love me.

But that still doesn't change how I feel deep inside.

In reality, I guess you could say I was a mistake. My mom had switched out her birth control one night and ended up taking the wrong one, thus why she even got pregnant. My real dad had found out and basically abused my mom and tried make her miscarry, but that didn't happen obviously. So, therefore, I was born. He left a few days after I was born, so I never really grew attached to him...

I grew up with a so called 'loving' mother. I mean... She was like any other mother, and I was her favorite child. When I was maybe three she remarried... I still have flashbacks for some reason. Memories of them fighting. But the one that sticks out the most is the one when he stuck a gun in his mouth in front of me when he was in a fight with my mom. They eventually broke up, but not before she got pregnant

And that's when my living mother turned her attention away from me and to my baby brother.

Once again she remarried and the guy she married verbally abused me. Called me worthless and various other words that I rather not waste my time and remember. But to make a long story short, she ended up breaking up with him cause he was cheating.

Now as we get closer to the present things get pretty f'd up. I always feel a weird feeling in my chest. Like something is missing. I feel lonely and misunderstood... Everyone knows me as that comedic girl. The one girl who you should always go to for advice. The one girl that helps people not feel so lonely. It really pains me to know that even people I hold dear can't see past my facade. Once again my mom remarried... He was a nice guy. Really he was. And he still is. But something still haunts me.

When I was expressing how I felt about him and how he was treating me, he took it the wrong way and thought I wanted him and my mom to break up. So he stood up, walked up to his room, got his pistol, said its not worth it anymore, and walked outside. I was SOBBING, I knew it was my fault. I knew it was my fault. I knew it was my fault, I was the reason he was going to commit suicide.

But he came back in. He never did pull the trigger.

We talked and talked and worked it out sort of. But I learned that I couldn't express myself anymore without hurting someone else. So I keep my deeper feelings and thoughts to myself. The only way I express these emotions are through writing. In every book I write, my emotion is in each word. They express my desires, my dreams, my thoughts (most of them are dark) and my feelings.

I guess my main confession I want to put here is...

I cut.
Sorry you basically had to listen to my life story

- Wolf (nickname)