CONFESSIONS.

008.

Well for beginners I have a big hole in my heart cause it was taken away by someone I loved dearly.

This person was my grandmother, my other half, the person who CAUSED this hole not on purpose but my accident. My grandmother was my other half, my sister, my bestfriend, my mom, my everyhting.

She was gonna watch me grow and be their when I graduate but it didn't turn out the way I wanted it. Life had pain in store for me, it took her away from me, the person I valued the most and cared for, the person that showed me all the love my mom didn't show me when I was a child and preteen. My memories are mostly filled with her.

When she died on December 13, 2015, I lost my whole entire world, I felt worthless, broken, everything that could describe pain. I was depressed but I would hide it with a smile and fake a laugh, but when really on the inside I couldn't accept the fact she died leaving me wounded. The last goodbye we had was through a phone call, she was on the hospital bed unable to talk or move but only mumbling, nodding at what ever I was telling her cause she was in pain and they put something in her that made her unable to feel any pain. But after that phone call I don't think it would be our last conversation and the last goodbye, I wasn't able to say goodbye or tell her I loved her, I just told her I was gonna see her in a couple of months.

Well it's about a year since she's gone. I don't think I'll be able to go to her house or to visit her grave cause I fail at telling her how much I loved her. Well it might take me a few years but I will visit her grave cause I need to say goodbye for good and accept that she has died but for now I'll just cry myself to sleep once in a while. But if I could give anything up just to hug her and tell her how much I love her, I would instead of having to say goodbye over a phone call.

Love you grandma,
Rest in piece.....