The Drug Lord's Wife

Chapter 29

Jarrod 

I had to do what was best for me and the best for China. I was a changed man. I can't say that enough, but I know I'm not going to be a good enough man for China. She deserves the best. I blew it with her. I knew she didn't invite Tyrone to the dinner. I just used that as an excuse to blow the shit out of proportion. I did my dirt and I did my crime. I'm not about that life no more, but I'm still Jarrod. I'm still from the streets. I don't plan on going back to my old ways, but I need China to understand that my decision to call off the wedding before shit got bad was a good idea. I couldn't put her through any more shit than I already have. I tried my hardest to convince her that I was a chnged man and that I love her. I do. I will always love her, but she doesn't deserve me. I realized that the day we found out she was pregnant. China knew she was pregnant before we got together. That's why she was acting all funny, being sensitive to smells and shit. I'm not a dumb ass. I know her and Tyrone were fuckin around. She just said the baby was mine since she thought we were going to get back together. I had to end that shit quick. Shes a good woman, and she deserves a good man. I hate to say this, but Tyrone is a good man and they desever to be together. He's succesful, he got out the game early, he loves her, and I know this. It hurts me to say this, but I have to face the facts. The poor man doesn't even know that he has a baby on the way. 

I put China through hell and back. My dealing, my gang banging, I put her though a lot of shit. Hell, any woman whos dumb enough to take my ass must be mentally ill. But, I tricked her into falling back in love with me. My plan worked, but once I realized, the baby wasn't mine, she would be better off with Tyrone, and that he could be a good man to her, better than I ever could; I had to let her go. I love her too much to let her suffer with me. i love her too much to let her put up with me. No matter if I am a changed man. Like I said, I will always be Jarrod. All I know is, I need to see my children. Every man has the right to see their children. I'm sorry for putting China through this. Making her think that the show was really going to go on. She will thank me later. I know that Tyrone better take damn good care of her and my children or I'm comin for his ass for real. I may not be with China, and I may not see my children everyday, but they wil remain my family and I will remain their rock. 

Everything I said during the dinner was true. I do love China, and I'm glad that she gave me the benefit of the doubt, but at the end of the day, she deserves better, and thats all that I'm trying to say with this.

I'm packing my shit up and I'm moving to Philly. I need to start my life over again. Maybe settle down. Find a woman who is right for me. I would do things all over again. I'm going to go through and open up my non profit organization, speak to these inner city kids and let them know that the streets is not where you need to be, but the books are. I wish Tyrone and China the best. 

//China, I know you probably hate me again, but I just want to let you know that I'll always love you and I wish you and Tyrone the best. I'm moving to Philly. I need to get up out the south and make better of myself. I have too many bad memories here. I want to see my kids at least three times a month. Hope we can make that work. J

//I don't have much to say to you Jarrod but I knew in my heart that something wasn't right. I will allow you to see your kids. I wish you the best and I'm sorry that we had to end it like this, China.

That was the last I've heard from China. 

China

Ever since the incident with Jarrod I hadn't spoken to him. I think back to the first day I met him, to the day that our children were born, to me putting up with his shit and worrying about if hes going to be alive the next day, to divorcing, to getting engaged, and re-divorcing within one month. It's just too much. Not to mention, Tyrone  had been in the middle of this the whole time. I think about how things would have been if Jarrod never got involved with gang life. 

Its been a month since the incident and since then I've moved back in with Tyrone here in Florida. The California house was sold like that, my book is still selling and I'm working on another one. Tyrone has been the best man to me. I know i've been back and fourth between men, but I know where my heart really is and it's with Tyrone. I realized that we have to let our past go in order to let our future through. I guess thats what Jarrod was trying to make happen. He said that he knew Tyrone was a good man for me and what he did was for a good reason. I'll never understand his reasoning, but I know that Tyrone is who I need to be with. 

About the baby, yes. It's Tyrones. I didn't want to tell Jarrod. I don't know what I was thinking. But, he said he knew it wasn't his anyway. I think about what it would have been like if Jarrod and I would have gone through with the marriage while I was carrying Tyrones baby. I never expected to get pregnant with Tyrones baby, but here I am.

"China baby, do you mind handing me those Christmas lights over there?" Tyrone asked me.

I handed Tyrone the Christmas lights and kissed him on the cheek. "The tree looks good so far babe." 

"Thanks." He said smiling at me as he rubbed my belly. "Hows my baby?" He asked me.

"She's good." I said to him.

"You mean he?" Tyrone said. 

"Whatever." I said playfully shoving him.

"Call the kids so they can hang the ornaments." 

I watched Tyrone help the kids hang up the Christmas ornaments. It light up my heart. I was sitting on the couch sipping hot cocoa and listening to Christmas carols. 

"You got it lil man?" Tyrone asked J.J.

J.J nodded yes. Tyrone let him do his thing with the ornaments and he sat down next to me and placed his hand on my stomach,

"Now that you're carrying my baby, I'm gonig to have to put a ring on your finger." He said to me. "I know you been through a lot these past through months, but it's just something to think about. I'm not trying to pressure you or rush you. I just want to let you know that I want to make you my wife some day soon."

"I want to be your wife some day soon Tyrone. But, lets just give it some time."

Tyrone and I watched the kids place the ornaments on the tree until they got tired. I was at a happy point in my life. I've been to hell and back in just a time span of a few months. Now that I was pregnant, the last thing I needed was stress. I vowed to let Jarrod see the kids three days every month, but he told me he wanted to get his life completly together before he wanted to see them. I respected him for that. I knew that he had some straightning out to do. I'm just glad that he realized it himself. It takes a good man to realize his mistakes and his flaws. That showed me that Jarrod really did mature and he was growing into a real man. I don't know when the next time I see Jarrod will be, but whenever it is. I hope that we meet in peace.