Support Hotline (Ryden)

Be Concerned

*trigger: suicide mention*

Brendon rubs my thigh as he reads through his notes, making me shiver. As his hand moves closer to my crotch, I want to resent, but I feel like I'm frozen.

He keeps rubbing my thigh and soon enough I see he really wasn't studying, he's eyeing me the entire time.

"Bren-" I stutter and Brendon pounces on me like a fucking tiger, kissing me abruptly. I oblige and allow him, but I know it's wrong.

He never let go of my thigh, though. He's determined to get what he wants and it's working, far too easily.

I roll over so I'm on top of him. This makes him let go of my leg and he puts his hands in my hair.

I feel heat flushing through my stomach and crotch and- God, stop me.

"I want y-" Brendon starts under his breath.

"I can't." I pull away and catch my breath.

"Brendon, not yet. At least wait until you're eighteen. You know you would regret it. I would regret letting it happen. You know I care about you. This is not the right environment." I already knew Brendon was a virgin, he didn't even have to tell me.

"I know. You're right. Sorry, I get a little horny sometimes." He nods. "But just know, this is the right environment. This is the best environment. Here, where I feel safe, with you, who I feel safe with. It's special to me. You are right about the age thing, and I should wait until I'm eighteen. But I want my first time to be with you."

My heart flutters.

"I feel the same way." I nod.

"So you are a virgin?" He asks surprisedly. I never told Brendon I was a virgin, I never really told anybody.

I nod and suddenly both of our phones buzz.

Josh: "tyler's in the hospital"

Spencer: "oh my god is he okay?"

Josh: "he tried to commit suicide"

My heart drops. He always seemed happy to me. It wondered through my mind if it had to do with Josh and Debby, but I shook it out of my head, because Tyler had said he liked Debby.

"are you there right now??"

Josh: "he's sleeping right now but the doctors say he's okay"

A few minutes later Josh replies again.

Josh: "why would he do this why didnt he tell any of us he could have told me at least and he almost fucking died and we wouldnt have been able to stop him. hes my best friend and he would have just left us without asking us for help"

I was surprised to see Josh swear, but it shows the level of the situation and that Josh is truly letting out his emotions. I sort of laugh a little because Tyler would be pissed.

"josh, it's okay now. he survived and now we know and we can help him" I've heard stories like this plenty of times at the hotline. Just having a group of friends like he does, I know that things will truly get better for Tyler after time goes by.

Hayley: "when can we visit him"

Josh: "the hospital is making him stay for a few days to clear him, ill ask his family if you guys can come."

"Let's go tonight if we can, Ry." Brendon says and I nod.

Josh: "they said three can come, for 15 minutes max right now. his parents and his brother are going back home to grab some things so they can stay the night."

"me and brendon are coming"

Hayley: "ill come"

***

Tyler woke up just before we got there. Josh looked like he'd been running his fingers through his hair a million times.

"I'm sorry I never told you guys." Tyler's voice croaks quietly.

"Why, Tyler?" Josh just whispers. "You're my best friend. You're important to me and Brendon and Spencer and Hayley and Ryan and- and your family." He shakes his head.

"I just felt-" Tyler takes a shaky breath and blinks as a tear falls down his face.

"I understand, Tyler." Hayley nods. "For a long part of my life, I just felt wrong. Like I was not where I was supposed to be, and I wasn't. And even worse, I thought I was going to have to live like that for the rest of my life because no one would understand or accept it. I thought my life was worthless, and I just felt like everything was going to be dull and sad forever."

"Tyler, depression is a serious illness. You can't ignore it. If you don't seek help, it won't get any better. Please, talk to one of us or your parents anytime." I explain. Tyler nods and stares off into his hospital blanket. The bags under his eyes are defined by his shadow.

"Thank you." He says quietly. It goes quiet after that. We're all in some sort of distraught, shown in the form of playing with our hair or picking at a thread.

"Josh, how did you get here?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"I tried calling Tyler because I wanted to see if he wanted to meet up with Debby and I and he wasn't answering. So I called Tyler's mom to make sure he was okay and she went into his room and checked on him. She found him unconscious and told me she was calling 9-1-1. I rode my skateboard over."

"Do you need a ride home? We'll take you whenever you're ready." I offer.

"I don't kn-"

"You need to go home, Josh. Get some sleep." Tyler's voice says weakly. Josh sighs and nods.

"I'm ready whenever you guys are." He shrugs.

"Okay, let's go. We'll come visit you after school, okay?" I look over at Tyler and he nods. I take Brendon's hand and walk out the door, Josh following. Brendon squeezes my hand and I look up at his face. He has a grim facial expression and I ask if he's okay, all he does is silently nod in response.

We drop Josh at his house and he thanks us. When the door closes I ask Brendon if he's okay again.

"I'm just, kind of in shock, you know. If we would have known sooner he might not have tried it. What if it worked? He could have committed suicide and we would have never understood why. We still don't know why he tried it." He says quietly. I take his hand with my right hand and hold the steering wheel with the other.

"It's just a good thing he survived. Now we know how he feels. I know 100% that all of us will make sure he gets better. He will get better." I say assuringly and rub my thumb over his fingers. Brendon nods with a sigh and lays his head against the window, watching the street pass by.

-A/N: hey two songs that go good while reading this chapter (the depressing parts, obviously, not the near smut) are obviously be concerned and car radio. also if you're having suicidal thoughts, please consider a hotline. there was nearly smut but I'm not really ready for it. but hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading.