Support Hotline (Ryden)

Heathens

It was unsettling. Hiding a secret and pretending that everything was okay in front of the people you are lying to, sitting in the living room and watching TV with my dad like there wasn't a problem in the world, which is the farthest from the truth.

"Hey Mom, can you get in here?" I shout to the kitchen as my heart rate quickens.

When I see her walk in and sit on the couch, I sit up and look to both of my parents.

"I need to tell you something." My dad sits up in his recliner to see me clearly, to watch me release my big secret in fear.

"I've been afraid of telling you because I'm afraid you will take it really badly. Just, please, hear me out." I take a shaky breath. "I'm gay." I say with my exhale.

I watch both of their faces while my heart drops.

"I-is it that friend of yours?" My mom says in fear.

"Ryan and I have been dating, yes." I nod as a tear streams down my face.

"Brendon, you know what Leviticus says." My dad says with a disgusted sigh. This is exactly what I thought would happen.

"Yes. I know." I nod quietly.

"Tell me what it says." He says calmly.

"You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination." It haunts me in church, it always has.

But I don't say it. I say something stupid instead. "I don't care. I can't help it if I'm abomination. I don't think I'm an abomination. If you think I'm an abomination, then go ahead. I can't stop you, just like you can't stop me. I'm sorry."

And then I wake up.

I sigh as I realize it was just a dream and I still had that burden in my head that I couldn't release just yet.

It felt good, telling the truth and standing my ground. Even if they hadn't accepted it in the dream, it felt good to just get it off already.

***

"I'm dragging it on, Ry." I say as I play with Ryan's fingers.

"No, you're waiting for the right time." He assures me.

"My God, what would I do without you? You're keeping me here, you know that?" I look up at him with a sigh.

"You won't be here for long, I promise you. When you graduate and you get into a good college, I'll go with you, anywhere you want. For as long as you want me to." He looks down at me with a smile.

"Dammit Ryan!" I slap his thigh in frustration. I flip over and grab his hand that he had around my shoulder as I kiss his neck. He lays down and I don't stop. I just attack his neck like a fucking vampire, but maybe a little softer.

And then, Ryan giggles. I pull away and look at his face in awe.

"Oh my God, I love you." I shake my head as I study his face. His eyes, his nose, his lips.

"I can't believe you." Ryan rolls his eyes. "I mean, I love you too, but I can't believe you."

"Ry, you giggled like a school girl. That was so fucking cute."

"Get over it, weirdo."

"No, you usually laugh with a deep voice and it's like so fucking hot and masculine. But you just did the fluffiest little giggle I've ever heard. How in the hell can you make me turned on and also make me want to cuddle you like a puppy at the same time?" I blabber on.

"Are you just always horny?" Ryan looks at me in confusion.

"I love everything about you, everything." I say with realization and ignore Ryan's question.

***

"That is the gayest and cutest thing I've ever heard." Hayley exclaims when I tell her about my last conversation with Ryan as we eat our pretzels from the mall kiosk. Hayley and I decided to hang out in private together, because why not, I guess. We had a really good time, we just talked about whatever would come to our minds.

"I'm glad I have you guys as friends. I've never met cooler people, you guys were so cool when I told you." She smiled like she was truly grateful.

"Hayley, you are so cool. You can't just overlook a good person just because of their gender identity or sexuality."

"Thank you, I agree. I really hope everything turns out okay with your parents, Bren." She says with genuine sincerity.

"I do too." I nod with a sigh. "Have you talked to Tyler after last night?"

"Uh, no. I was wondering if you wanted to go see him with me." It sounds like she's nervous to see him by herself, so I agree and we take a bus to the hospital.

When we walk into the room, Tyler's brother and mother get up and leave so there's room for us.

"Oh hey, guys." Tyler says with a raspy voice. His skin is paler than usual and the bags under his eyes are heavy but not pigmented. Josh gets out of the chair next to the bed for Hayley to sit.

"Hayley, we're gonna leave you guys alone to talk. I know you were helping out a lot yesterday, Brendon and I will be outside for a little bit." Josh says quietly and tugs me outside of the room.

"He still won't tell me why he did it." Josh tells me in a panicked whispering voice.

"Josh, calm down. If he wanted to talk about it right now, you would be the first person he would tell. You're his closest friend. He just doesn't want to talk about it, he wants to distract himself from it. Give it time."

"You're right. But what if he-"

"He won't. We will make sure of it."

"Do you think he felt alone because I was hanging out with Debby?" He says fearfully.

"No, Josh. It's not your fault. You're a good friend for caring, but depression is not just from the outside. There was no way you could have changed it."

Josh sighs and nods. I see why he's so stressed. I'm not even that close to Tyler and I feel like I could have been there to change it, to stop him.

"You're a good friend, Josh. If you weren't, you wouldn't be here."

-A/N: okay, I'm not gonna shame any ships but I am going to clarify, there will be NO joshler, I personally just don't ship it and this fic would really really suck if I didn't write it the way I'm comfortable with it. sorry. also joncer would be gr8 because I ship it but this fic has so many chapters it honestly feels never ending and adding another character/more back story, conflict, etc. would just make it even longer. THANK YOU FOR 20K THAT IS SO GREAT I DIDNT IMAGINE IT GETTING THIS FAR. ALSO THERE WILL BE ONE CHAPTER OF SMUT WHEN BRENDON TURNS 18 IN THIS FIC. IT MIGHT SUCK BUT IF YALL WANNA GIVE ME TIPS I WOULD LOVE IT JUST PRIVATE MESSAGE ME THANKS. I hope you guys enjoy and thanks for reading as always.