Struggles of a Fangirl

Struggle #40

I literally dreaded getting up the next day. We got tot he hotel around 3 AM and I slept until 8:30. It wasn't a comfortable sleep either, I kept tossing and turning which always happens when I'm stressed or worried. I decided to kill some time and use my phone to go on twitter. Of course all of TM was still ranting about how MB deserved the award and they were all freaking out over Rays fall. I wanted to tweet them and let them know everythings ok but then they're going to start blowing me up and I'm really not in the mood to have my notifactions going crazy. .

 Peeling the blankets off, I finally get up because I have to use the bathroom. I trudge out the room and down the hall to the bathroom. I lock the door and stare in the mirror for a moment. My hair is no longer bone straight from the night before, now it's frizzy and all over the place. It hasn't gotten to the tangled and matted state yet but it will get there again eventually. I'm wearing my purple glasses again, I don't want to get too comfortable with the contacts because I'm not sure if my mother approves of them yet. Also because I'm comfortable with my glasses, I think of them as the shield that makes me a little different then everyone else.

 After using the bathroom, washing my face and brushing my teeth, I walk through the living room and into the kitchen. Looks like I'm the first one up. Which makes sense, everyone just about collapsed when we arrived at the hotel this morning and MB has a show tomorrow. Ray is getting a splint for his foot so that he doesn't make the swelling even worse, he'll be dancing a little awkwardly but at least he doesn't have to sit the performance out.

 Thank goodness it's a day off. I can lounge around the hotel room in my pajamas all day and camp out in front of the tv. No cameras, no screaming fans. Just a calm sunday full of snacks and movies. Sounds good to me.

 The whole time I'm watching tv I try not to let myself think about last night. Will the girls judge me noe because of what I did? Now that they know, they'll probably be doubtful as to whether I can be trusted or not. I never realized until now, that I finally admitted the truth last night. I didn't do that to Prince just for revenge on London, if it wasn't me with Princeton then no one was good enough for him. I had it in my mind that I'm the perfect girl for him. We're both creative, corny, kinda nerdy. We fit hand in hand. But maybe London has something that I don't, maybe that's what Princeton's so attracted to. It could be her self confidence. Her way of capturing people's attention. Her enticing eyes. Only Prince truly knows.

 See the thing is, I really do want to tell Princeton how I betrayed him. He should hear it from me instead of anyone else. But just a few days ago I gave him a lecture on how he should just be his self and stop chasing London. That's exactly what I did, I acted fake to him and only made myself look bad. I  was supposed to be his best friend but I let London and my petty infatuation with him get under my skin, I stabbed him in the back when I really should have just let it go. It's like everything that my parents taught me from birth just flew out my head. I've been pretending to help Prince when really I've just been digging a hole too deep to climb out of. I cringe just imagining the disappointed look Prince would give me if I told him what I've done. I'm scared of losing him as a friend. I'm scared of ruining everything. I'm scared period. Now I'm all stressed out and not enjoying my stay here, I wanted a drama free summer and I got just the opposite.

 There's a light knock on the door and I turn down the tv before bounding over to the door, yanking it open to find Prod standing on the other side wearing basket ball shorts and a t-shirt. He looks like he just rolled out of bed, yet he still looks good. I, on the other hand, must look like crap. I smile regardless of my disheveled appearance, "Good morning Sunshin, what are you doing here?" Just cuz I'm in a damp mood doesnt mean I have to bring down Prods spirits too.

 "Couldn't sleep. Still thinking about our loss last night." Prodigy says, frowning down at me. His eyebrows raise slightly, "Wanna take a walk with me?"