Struggles of a Fangirl

Struggle #45

The rest of the week passes by in a complete blur. Whether it's from the shock and thrill that two boys kissed me in a matter of two days or from the fright that two boys who are like brothers to eachother kissed me in matter of two days. What ever the case may be, the rest of the week feels surreal. The video shoot approaches faster than I thought it would and once again I find my butt falling asleep as I sit in a chair, facing the vanity mirror and all its bright bulbs. I'm off to the side of the set, getting my hair and make up done my Mandy and her team. I can hear the song Pretty Girl playing in the distance while MB shoots some individual scenes inside the house.

"Look up," Mandy instructs. I open my eyes and look towards the ceiling, trying to stay completely still so she doesn't poke me in the eye with the eyeliner...again. The first time was my fault though, I was laughing because Prince tripped over one of the camera wires and face planted on the ground. My giggles resulted in me almost losing an eyeball, so needless to say, I'm as still as a statue while they apply makeup around my eyes.

Mandy finishes with my eyes and begins to layer my lips with lots of lipstick and clear lipgloss. I open my eyes and look in the mirror to find my eyelashes have been lengthened with mascara and dramatized with eyeshadow. I look crazy beautiful, like some cover girl. I can't stop touching the sleek fishtail that hangs over myshoulder. Even though they used extensions to make it longer, I'm in love with how shiny and long it looks. My natural hair could never stay straight enough for me to keep this hairstyle.

"You look really pretty Kay." Renee says from where she's sitting in the chair beside me, assistants buzzing around us like bees.

"Thanks, you too." I reply. She has four twist on one side of her head while the rest is hanging in a crinkled style around her shoulders . Her lips are a fiery red from the lipstick the make up team put on her, it looks so pretty against her skin tone. I'm so excited to get filmed for the video in a few minutes that I can't stop beaming in the mirror. What will Jayla think when she sees me in the video? What will kids at school think? Imani is going to flip out when I tell her. I hope everyone recognizes me since I won't be wearing my glasses. Keisha and I both agreeded that contacts will fit the image more.

"Alright, next!" Mandy shouts after adding the last detail. I hop out the seat and Joya takes my place, I scamper off to wardrobe where assistants are already prepared to help me change quickly. Time is money so we'll be rushing around like this for the rest of the week until the video is finally done. "Wardrobe" is just a little screen with a curtain for us to quickly strip off our clothes and slip on the outfits for the videos. The two assistants hand me my clothes and I walk behind the little screen, undressing quickly and throwing my clothes to the assistants. I shimmy into the shorts and pull on the top, being careful not to ruin my hair. Once I pull on the Doc Marten boots, I emerge from behind the screen and walk over to the mirror.

I gasp loudly as my eyes widen in horror. One of the assistants rush over to me curiously, "What's the matter. Is something wrong?"

"Um, yes!" I exclaim, staring at myself in the mirror. I have no problem with the camoflauge shorts, the gold doc martens or the gold accesories. It's just the shirt. Actually it's not even a shirt...it's half a shirt. Basically a bra that covers my rib cage and cuts off an inch above my belly button, exposes the rest of my fleshy brown torso. Having my stomach exposed for the whole world to see...for my mom to see..for my dad to see? No way! Like I've said...I have some baby fat on me and I'm not really comfortable showing this much skin. I grab my shirt from the assistans hands and hurry across the floor to Raymond who's fixing up Yannie's shirt.

"Raymond we have a problem!" I whine, tapping his shoulder.

He turns and look me up and down, "Ooh girl you better kill them. I knew you had a body but damn, I didn't know it was bangin like that."

"What?" I ask confused.

He scoffs, "Move that shirt so I can the full outfit." He reaches for the shirt but I step back from his reach.

"Raymond I can't wear this. I'm showing too much and I feel awkward in it." I tell him.

Yannie frowns, "Kacey you look fine, I like it. It's so different than how you usually dress in your little hipster clothes. Come on, be a little different, just for the video."

"No," I shake my head from side to side, nearly rattling around my brain.

Raymond sighs, "If you really feel uncomfortable then I'll go find something else for you to wear right after I'm done with Yannie." He says. I nod my head ok and he turns back to the Yannie. Holding the shirt close to my chest, I walk over to Joya who's examing herself in the mirror. She's has on graffiti print leggings, a red off the shoulder shirt and some all black converse. Her eyes light up when I appear in her line of vision and she beams.

"Ooh you look good Kacey, I like your shoes."

"Thanks, all gold everything for me today." I say, looking myself up and dow in the mirror. "I just wish this shirt didnt show so much. My stomach is not in any shape to be shown."

"Lemme see." Joya says, tugging behind her to tug on the shirt. I look around to make sure no one is watching us before finally letting her take the shirt from me. She looks me up and down a couple times and I feel like a bug under a microscope. "You beautiful though, I mean not everyone can have a super flat and firm model stomach but who wants to be paper thin anyway. You got curves so embrace them. If you got it, flaunt it."

I smile and take back the shirt just as Walter calls her to the set. She pats my shoulder gently before hurrying back towards the house. I hover in front of the mirror for a minuete before slowly lowering the shirt and taking in my reflection again. Joya's right, I'm one of the lucky ones. I'm not unhealthily thin or morbidly over weight. Trust me, I'm not saying I'm perfect but I should be greatful for what I have. Apparently I have curves and a nice body...maybe it's time to embrace it and break out of my shell.

A few moment later Raymond walks over to me, "Alright, lets go find you another shirt."

"Actually," I say, studying myself a little longer. "I think I like this outfit now."

Raymond flashes me a gleaming smile, "All you need is a little confidence Kacey, stop underestimating yourself. Alright boo?" I nod my head yes and he takes the shirt from my hand. "Now go on the set, they're ready for you."

I meet up with Renee and together we walk into the house and on to the set. We have to bob and weave through tons of camera men and avoid tripping over wires like Prince. When we finally make it to the video producer, Anthony, he directs Renee onto the front porch with Roc and leads me into the living rooom where the couches are crowded with girls and a few boys. We walk over to Prodigy who slips his phone into his pocket when he sees us approaching. Anthony positions me so that I'm leaning against the wall while Prod sings/talks to me.

"Now Kacey, while Prodigy is singing to you, smile and act like you're shy. Glance at him a few times then glance at the floor like you don't believe what he's telling you. Alright?" Anthony asks. I nod my head yes, glancing at Prod to see him grinning at me. I bite my lip, trying to control my smile. Anthony claps loudly, "Yes, just like that. Do that a couple times, that's great!" He says. Prod and I chuckle as Anthony walks away and stands next to the camera. "Playback...and....ACTION!"

Prodigy leans his back against the wall too so we're standing side by side, the song I know all too well begins playing and Prod looks straight at the camera, mouthing along to his voice playing. I glance at hime out the corner of my eye, tossing him flirty looks like we practiced plenty of times before. My mind starts to wonder and before long I start to feel like everything Prodigy is singing, is directed towards me....literally. I run my hands through my hair like I've seen girls do in videos plenty of times and out the corner of my eye I see Anthony gives me a thumbs up. The chorus comes around and Prod takes me by surprise by placing his arm above my head, leaning in to me as he mouths the words in time to the song. He's so close his breath fans out across my face and I can smell his inviting cologne.

Remember Kacey....this is just for the video. My conscience tell me. But we both know its way more than that.

We do the scene over four times in order to perfect it and make Anthony happy. He cuts the music and smiles at us, "That one was the money shot. Now we're going to shoot Jacob and Joya's scene, then we'll come back inside for Lil Twist verse. We still have alot to do so I hope yall slept well." He tells us. I chuckle as the camera man packs up his camera and leaves the room. Anthony walks over to the couch full of extras to talk to them about something while Prod and I hover near the wall.

"So, what do you think?" I ask him, twirling around and showing off my outfit.

He smiles, looking me up and down slowly. "You look nice, thanks to me." I raise my eyebrow in confusion. Prod chuckles, "I told them to put you in something like that. In my head it looked nice and it looks even better in person."

My jaw drops as I stare at him, "You told them to put me in this!?"

"I wanted to break you out of your comfort zone." He admits, shrugging. "And I'm glad you decided to wear it, cuz you look amazing." He reaches out and takes me hand, pulling me close to him. I look up at him, glancing at his lips briefly before locking eyes again. What would it be like to kiss him again? But this time maybe I won't pull away. Maybe I'll be able to enjoy it.

No, stop it Kacey. You kissed his best friend and he doesnt even know it yet. Don't be a homie hopper, Don't be a London.

I smile nervously and slip my hand out of Prods, "Come on, let's go watch Joya and Jacob's scene." Prod's eyes flash but a sweet smile plays on his lips as I begin walking towards the door to go outside. Some how Prod manages to fall in to step beside me and intertwine our fingers. I'm enjoying it too much to let go. The feelings just feel right. Man I'm confused.

When we get outside, we find Jacob sitting on top of a BMW with Joya nestled in between his legs as he sings to her. The camera rotates around them to catch every angle and the music blares, making my heart vibrate in my chest. I mouth the words to Jacob's part, knowing the lyrics by heart. Prod chuckles at me and the camera man shoots him a glare to be quiet. We laugh silently, making faces at the camera man as the music continues to play. Prod starts dancing behind him, twerking pathertically and scrunching up his face in an ugly manner. This boy must be on something today.

Anthony comes outside and ushers me back inside to the living room where Renee, Yannie and London are sitting on the couch with some of the extras. Lil Twist is sitting in the middle of them, he nods at me when I enter and take a seat between him and Yannie. Prod sits on the arm of couch, chatting with one of the extras. "Alright here's what's gonna happen," Anthony tells us, sweat is beading on his forehead from running around so much. "Twist I want you to lean back on the couch like you're honored to be surrounded by such beautiful girls."

Lil Twist smirks and leans back on the couch, spreading his arms across the headrest to give us more room. "You aint gotta tell me twice." He drawls out, his cute hood accent coming out. His eyes are hidden behind his raybans but I'm sure he's checking us all out.

"And girls do what we practiced yesterday, smile, grin, nod your head to the camera. Do anything that is considered appealing to the camera." Anthony goes to stand next to a new camera man. "Playback....and....action!"

The chorus passes by and Twist starts rapping. As he does, I try to look comfortable like I sit on the couch with cute celebrities all the time. Even though I'm being squished by all the extra people on the couch, I play if off and tilt my head so the camera can get my good side. I laugh with the other girls when the camera pans in my direction, just like we practiced yesterday. I'm so tempted to rap along with Twist, the need to join is killing me but I control myself.

"Now it's me and her and nothing gets between. our love, Nothin sits above. Now Babygirl hold up, t's ymcmb and you can be the princess girl what's up." At the end of his verse, Twist gently pinches London's chin. She giggles and looks at the camera, winking at it like she has a secret. I wouldn't be surprised if she did.

Soon it's time for us to go shoot the backyard scene, all of us including the extras pour out into the back yard to create the "teen pool party" type of atomosphere. Some girls are in bathing suits, some are in tiny shorts and skimpy camisoles. The song blasts and we dance around while hitting eachother with pool noodles as MB and Jacob mouth the words to the song. I'm having so much fun that I don't even notice Maya as she appears next to me and wacks me over the head with a pool noodle. I laugh and run after her. I pass by Roc who's sitting on a table, mouthing the words to a camera that's positioned below him, Renee is standing beside him dancing with his arm slung around her shoulder. Ray is shooting Yannie with a water gun, splashing the camera that's following him around in the process.

As I run by Prince who's relaxing in a lawn chair, he grabs my wrist and pulls me backwards into his lap. I land clumsily, laughing as he tickles my side. A camera man aims his camera in our faces as Prince wraps his arms around my waist. I slap him playfully with the pool noodle and he laughs before grabbing it and throwing it into the pool. His hold on me feels comfortable and warm, like we were meant to stay like this forever. I look up at Princeton who's smiling down at me, his eyes twinkling excitedly. I tousle his hair like always and I feel his hold on me tighten

The camera guy shuts off the camera, "That was a good take guys," He tells us before running over to catch a video of one of the extras being pushed into the pool. When he's gone I turn to look at Princeton, "What's all this for?" I ask him.

He shrugs, "I needed an exscuse to get you in my arms." His eyes slowly scan me from head to toe, his arms still wrapped tightly around my waist. "You look fine as hell by the way."

"You look alright I guess." I say playfully.

"Oh really, that's how you feel?" He asks. I nod my head yes and before I know it, Prince has picked me up and flung me into the pool. I gasp as I come back to the surface, everyone is cracking up including Walter and Keisha.

Soon everyone jumps into the pool fully clothes and I laugh, this has been a good day.

** Sorry, boring chap guys :P Kacey's outfit and the song Pretty Girl to the side ----->

*credit to whoever made that vid*

*not proof read* COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT