Struggles of a Fangirl

Struggle #43

It didn't take very long for the video ideas to come to life. On top of running around for meet and greets, interviews, photo shoots and concerts, now MB is also busy with new choreography for the Pretty Girl video. Even Jacob Latimore has a few dance scenes with them, that will get the fans excited for sure.

Prince has been too busy with his tight schedule for me to get a moment to talk to him. If he's not running around then he's taking a nap on the tour bus. I, on the other hand, am busy helping Walter with the set. He's shown us a few available houses to shoot the video and they all make my house look like a shack. We touched down in Florida where the video is going to take place since we're here for a whole week. Keisha wants us to help her pick some extras for the videos. Some that can dance and some that can play the role of a typical party go-er well.

We walk into the dance studio where the auditions are set to take place. A table has been set up for us with six chairs, some water and a radio. MB and Jacob put an add out for the auditions right after we got off of video chat with the video producer. I'm excited to see who shows up and what they can do. I'm in the mood for something that will lift up my spirits, I've been kinda of down lately and London isn't making things any easier for me. I'm surprised that all the evil glares she sends towards me haven't killed me yet.

We take our seats and spread out the head shots that were sent in to us. After a little bit of chatter, the doors finally open with our first audition. She's a cute Asian girl with waist length hair, dark blue high lights and a wide smile. Her bright brown eyes sparkle as she walks towards us. "Hi, I'm Maya." She chirps cheerfully.

"Hey Maya, and what are you gonna dance to for us today?" Keisha asks.

"Massive attack by Nicki." Maya replies, never breaking her warm smile. Keisha nods and points to the radio, Maya pulls out her iPod and plugs it into the dock. She walks to the middle of the room and waits for the beat to start. Once the beats has started and Maya has gotten into the rhythm, she really starts to go all out. Not only was entertaining to watch, but she also has a certain sassy attitude while she dances that makes her dancing even better. I exchange glances with my friends and Keisha, we nod out heads and write her name down.

When the song ends Maya takes a bow, breathing hard from her performance. Her face is red and she beams at us, disconnecting her iPod. We all clap for her and she giggles, sweeping her bangs from her face. "Thank you," she says.

Keisha claps harder, "That was beautiful Maya, how long have you been dancing?"

"Basically since birth." Maya replies.

"Keep it up, you've got skills that'll take you places." Joya tells her, we nod in agreement and Maya beams even harder. "Write down your contact information and you might hear from us in about 3 days."

Maya leans over the desk and uses my pen to jot down her number. We wave goodbye to her as she turns and leaves. A few moments later another girl walks in wearing tiny shorts and a tank top. Her curly hair is pulled up in a crazy bun as she stands in the center. "Hey my name is Lori,"

We go through the same process that we did with Maya, she chooses the song Girls Talkin Bout and begins dancing. My eyes widen in surprise and out the corner of my eye I can see Yannie's jaw drop. While Maya's dancing leaned towards hip hop, Lori's dancing was more like strip club technique. She was grinding and winding and booty popping all over the place, I can't even control the way my face contorts into a disgusted look. Renee cuts the music quickly and Lori turns around to look at us.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"What's right?" Joya blurts out, then covers her mouth like it accidentally slipped. Lori crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow.

Keisha shakes her head, "I'm sorry but this is not your type of video. Thank you for auditioning though."

Lori shrugs her shoulders, "I don't really care anyway." She retorts before turning on her heel and stalking out the studio. Keisha shakes her head and crosses her name off the list.

"I liked her, she had a nice style." London pipes up. They all turn to look at her like she's crazy, I keep my eyes down on the paper.

"Are you for real? She looked like she belonged in Hooters. She didn't even have rhythm." I hear Joya say.

London scoffs, "And the other girl did?" I can hear the disapproval in her voice. "I just don't want her to mess up our video."

"Our video?" Yannie questions.

"Yup," London replies confidently. I roll my eyes, thankful that the bickering can finally stop now that another girl has walked in.

The rest of the auditions go pretty well. There are the exemplary ones and the good ones and the ones that aren't even trying, they just want to be in the video. We had more extras than dancers because it needs to look like a big house party, a mixture of girls, boys and even a few little kids. Just from the success that we had, I could tell that this video was gonna be cool.

Watching everyone dance made my mind wonder to Prod. How we danced in that studio a long time ago and how he expressed his distaste towards Prince and I. I want to dance with him again, because while we danced it like I was expressing every emotion inside of me. Prod didn't laugh as I stumble over my own feet and stepped on his. He held me up and kept me from falling and I need someone to hold me up right now. I don't think it's healthy to keep all these emotions pent up inside me for any longer.

"You should have seen her dancing, she was like a certified stripper." Joya tells Jacob the next day when we're in the SUV, going to check out the house that Walter thought was the best one to shoot at.

Ray Ray laughs and Yannie shakes her head, "Not to mention that her shorts were like invisible. Then she had the nerve to act like she didn't want a part in the video when we all know she did."

Prince leans forward, his eyebrow slightly raised, "And none of y'all busted out laughing in her face? I would have been rolling to africa." We all laugh and I go back to my book, trying to shake the feeling that London is glaring at me again. Trying to shake the feeling that Prince might already have been told what happened and is secretly hating me now. We haven't had all full conversation in a while, and I dont know whether its from being so busy or if hes purposely avoiding me. I've really got to stop stressing and acting so paranoid.

I'm relieved when the car finally slows to a stop and Walter hops out the passenger seat. We follow suit, stepping onto the pathway of a gated house that is five time larger than my own. The grass is cleanly cut, the outside of the house is a pretty beige color with a shiny red door.

"Come on y'all, let me give you a tour." Walter says, leading us up the stairs and through the doorway. We go inside, stepping into a marble foyer with a spiraling stair case in the middle. Its probably fancier than the hotel were sleeping in right now.

"I feel like I've seen this place before." Roc mutters, looking around at the huge house.

"You probably saw it in a whole bunch of videos. It's used a lot." Walter says, signaling for us to follow him through the house. We wander through the hallway, through three living rooms and a huge kitchen until we reach the backyard. A massive pool is settled right in the middle of the lawn, surrounded by smooth pavement and neat bushes. Everything so perfect that I feel like I should take my shoes off just to walk around outside.

"Yooooo this is my dream. This is what I want right here!" Ray gushes, looking like he's in heaven.

"This is a huge backyard, did y'all cast enough people to fill it up?" Prodigy asks, touching a bright pink flower blooming in a bush.

"Don't worry about us, we got this." Keisha replies, knocking him upside the head. He chuckles and swats her hand away. Walters phone rings and he signals for Keisha to follow him to the front yard. Everyone else scatters in different directions to check out the house.

I head back inside and go up the spiral staircase to the second floor. There's tons of rooms so I pick the one who's door is already open. It looks similar to our hotel rooms except it has dark hardwood floors and a gold accented chair in the corner of the room. A big queen sized bed is positioned in the middle of room with a full length mirror covering one side of the wall. Must be nice to have money like this. I think to myself as I walk out to the balcony that over looks the pool.

"Wow," I breath out. Everything looks perfect up here. I wonder if I could hide in the closet until everyone leaves and just live here on my own where I don't have to stress and worry about anything.

"You look like a Princess,"

I glance over my shoulder to see Prod walking in, his hands in his pockets and a warm smile settled on his face. "What are you talking about now?" I ask playfully, rolling my eyes at him.

He comes to stand beside me, wresting his arms on the railing. "I just saw you standing here with the sun outlining your silhouette and your hair all flowy in the breeze. It made me think of a princess looking out her window."

"Ha!" I say sarcastically, "I'm no Princess." I look down at my faded t-shirt and cut off shorts. My now frizzy hair is pinned back from my face with bobby pins cuz I was too lazy to do anything with it. I look back at the yard in deep thought, "Prod...What if you did something bad to someone but you don't want to tell them because you're scared they may start hating you? How am I supposed to tell them?"

Prod is quiet for a moment, "Are we talking about Prince?" I nod my head yes and he scrunches his eyebrows together in thought, "Don't beat around the bush. Just come out and say it. It's not like you can control their reactions, maybe he'll be mad or maybe he won't think it's a big deal. Prince is hard to understand sometimes, he's like a walking contradiction."

I chuckle, "you can say that again." I drum my nails against the railing.

Prod walks behind me and hugs me from behind, his arms fit around me perfectly and he smells like clean laundry and axe. I feel myself leaning into him, enjoying the way our bodies are molded together. I feel like I'm in an old movie, looking out into the sunset just before the credits roll. I turn my head a little and look up at Prod, "what's going on?"

"What? I can't comfort you? We've been so busy I haven't had a chance to just chill with you for a while. This is probably the only down time I have for a while." He tells me, his grip around my waist tightening. "And I'm going to enjoy it."

The smile of my face starts to hurt my cheeks but I can't help it. I've never had a boy hold me this way before and I'm going to savor this moment because I know it won't happen again.

Prods brown eyes stare into mine like he's can see right into my soul, "And if Prince holds a grudge then it's his lost. Because then he'll never know what a special person you really are." His words are sincere and firm, pulling my heart strings like he's plucking a guitar.

Butterflies swarm around in my stomach as Prod looks at me with the intense gaze. My cheeks throb from smiling so hard and I let out a giggle, having to look at a point above his head to keep myself calm. One minute I'm staring up at the ceiling and the next minute Prodigy is kissing me. His warm lips meshing against mine gently as my eyes flutter closed. My body goes perfectly still but inside I'm a complete mess. Not only is my system in a frenzied state of shock, but my mind is swimming with thoughts.

Does my breath stink? Am I supposed to be kissing back now? How am I supposed to breath? What if someone walks in? What if Keisha walks!? Man my back hurts from this position. Omigod what if I have to sneeze or burp. Thank God I don't feel gassy right now. OMG air! AIR!

My eyes fly open and I break apart from Prod and push him away from me. I take in a big gasp of air as he stares at me with confusion written on his face. My hands fly up to my mouth, covering it like I've just seen a ghost. "You just kissed me!" I yell in a high pitched voice.

Prodigy laughs at my spazzing, "Yeah...I did. Is that wrong?"

"No! I mean...well...I dunno." I stutter out, my words tumbling out just as fast as my heart is beating. "What does this mean!?" I exclaim, staring at him with panic.

"Anything you want it to mean." Prod replies cooly, "You know I've liked you for a while, and I thought we were finally at the point where---"

"No! I mean I like you Prod. I like you like you but you can't just be going around smashing your lips on people. What if I had a cold sore? Or mono? Or strep throat!? What if I had to cough or use the bathroom? I would have wet myself because you were holding me up by kissing me!" Ok I'm babbling right now and I can't seem to stop. I'm freaking out because everything was so sudden. I just got my first kiss from Prodigy. Prodi-freaking-gy from Mindless Behavior. What girl wouldn't be losing her mind right now?

Prodigy keeps looking at me with a confused facial expression. "Um, s

"I-I have a lot going on right now and...I don't know. This makes things..."

"More complicated." Prod finishes for me, looking down at his shoes. I nod my head in agreement and Prod sighs before looking back up at me. Guilt clear in his eyes. "I'm sorry for kissing you Kacey."

I shake my head "No don't be---"

"Just know that whenever you get this situation handled," he says cutting me off. "I'll be here."

"Ok," I whisper in a hoarse voice. Prod smiles and hugs me tightly before sheepishly backing away from the balcony and leaving out the room. Once he's gone I groan and kick the shutters, they shake noisily and I lean against the railing with my head in my hands. The scene of Prod kissing me plays on a loop in my head and my stomach twist into a bunch of knots. Whether from nerves or excitement I'm not sure.

Sighing, I pick my head up and look down at the yard again to see Ray staring up at me. My heart skips a beat as he gives me a blank stare, his mouth hanging slightly open. Oh crap did he just see Prod and I kiss? Please no. I lift my hand and wave at him like nothing happened but he doesn't wave back, he continues to stare at me like he's seems a ghost this time.

"Kacey!" Renee calls in to the room.

"Yeah? I'm in here." I yell back, turning my head from Ray.

Renee pops her head into the room, "Come on, Roc found the game room it's crazy big! Lets see if we can play the ps3 before its time to leave."

"Alright, I'm coming." I try to say cheerfully. She disappears from the room and I turn to look back at Ray, but he's now gone.

Renee is waiting in the hall for me and I follow her down the stairs, down a long hall and to a door. She opens it and we walk down the carpeted stairs to a medium sized room with an L-shaped couch. There's two pin ball machines, a massive flat screen tv and game systems hooked up to it. It's almost like someone actually lives here but I know they're just props for videos.

"Man if this was my basement I'd never leave." Roc says, him and Prod are checking out the stero built into the wall. Yannie and Joya are playing around on the dance machine in the corner of the room, London is sitting on a stool with her legs crossed and Ray and Prince are playing pool. I take a seat on the couch next to Jacob who's going through all the Xbox and ps3 games.

Joya is so lucky not to have boy problems. Jacob is so dedicated and in love with her that it hurts even me to know that they're going to be split up in a few weeks. She'll go back home and he'll be back in the studio working on some new music or auditioning for new movie roles.

Puppy love can either make you or break. And so far I'm breaking. Maybe a comforting voice will help me recollect myself. I'll make a call home later, cuz right now I'm feeling pretty home sick.

**
ASDFGHJKL O.O

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