Luella

39 | distraction

L U E L L A

Since Harry and Cecilia both persuaded me to step away and actually get out of the orphanage, under Margaret's order, I hadn't made a sound. I don't know how, but I'm calm. Oddly, strangely, dangerously calm.

I still am crying, but silently. Shaking, but silently. Screaming, but silently. Cecilia tries to talk me up, like this was normal, like I'm just shaken off because I've been away from all this mess for months.

But what had just went down with Margaret was further from normal. We definitely did have our screaming matches when I was good old Orphanage Rebellious Luella, but nothing ever like this. For starters, if my mind is gonna start analyzing, I had never -never- told someone so boldly how much I hated them.

To be honest, I don't think I hate Margaret. I just dislike her very much, but I'm not gonna make it reach another level. Hate is really such a strong word; I don't think I've ever used it literally.

Margaret is just the way she is since I've known her, which is like since I was born. I'm used to her, being mean and inconsiderate. But something about the way she sputtered angrily at me like that snapped a huge part of me inside.

I have no one to be proud of me and what I've achieved but myself. And Cecilia, I guess, considering how she was still standing with me outside Harry's car, telling me just that.

"I'm so incredibly happy I got to see you, darling," She stroked my hair and my lips quivered when I tried to smile back at her. "I wish you could come back."

I give her a look. "Come back? Yeah, right." After what just happened? I feel like laughing thinking about that, but laughing sounds exhausting, too.

"Yes. Luella, did you see how the girls' moods changed because of your little gesture? Think about it, I'll still be here..."

I furrow my eyebrows at her, glancing at Harry who had looked away, seeming to be rolling his eyes, I'm assuming.

"Ce... You have got to be joking," I shake my head at her and wipe under my eyes. "You want me to come back to the place I've worked all my life to get out of? And after what just happened?"

Cecilia shrugs and looks up at me sadly. "Why don't you come visit me? Am I one of the people you wanted to get away from?"

"What?" I blinked. "No! God, no. I wanted out of the place. I wanted freedom, and I've never had that until on my eighteenth birthday. I'm not going to carry myself back here, that's just completely insane. It is suicide."

Cecilia sighs, as if disappointed. As if she had hope about the issue and thought I could actually dare walk back to prison. She knows exactly how I felt about everything.

"And I didn't visit you because you have stay at the orphanage most of the time," I clarify. "I didn't come to the orphanage because I was afraid what just happened in there would happen...which, it did. Aren't you happy for me? Didn't you always root for me to be free, now you want me here, again?"

The crack in my voice made Harry snap his head to look at me, his expression softening. He was standing a few feet away, pretending to be busy on his phone. When he looked as if he was about to come over, I gave him a reassuring look and looked back at Cecilia.

"I am happy for you! Oh, love, I'm so proud of you beyond belief. You're my baby, I'm happy when you're happy."

"Yeah, well," I sniffled and folded my arms, exasperated as I leaned my back against the car. "You make it seem like I let you down or something. Ce, I got out there and fought through. I have friends and a job and I buy my own stuff. As in, I spend my money on my things. Do you know how good that feels? So good. My life isn't ideal for most people out there, but I have been super grateful I'm becoming independent."