What About Us

SHOCK | THIRTEEN

There is a possibility that I can be pregnant and carrying this man's baby. . . another child and Camryn isn't even one yet. I don't know if I should feel extremely happy that there will be a new addition to our family or upset that I'm not ready for this and it could really make things worse. I just had a divorce! I can't handle knowing that I'm pregnant the same day. It seems like everything is crashing down on me once again.

I thought that staring at the ceiling and having my daughter lay on me would calm me down tons, instead, I am withering as I wait for Tobias to return from the drug-store. I try to think, if the test comes back negative, how relieved I would be. But, then what would I do if I am pregnant. What would everyone think of me? While I was going through a divorce I was sleeping around with one of my co-workers and got pregnant. That sounds horrible.

The sound of the alarm telling me that the front door is open, sends shivers down my spine. . . he's back. I wish that I didn't give him my key because I wouldn't have to face reality. I hear his large feet walking down the hall and when his eyes meet mine, I wish I could sink into the bed and not face reality. He holds up the plastic white bag and I carefully get out of the bed, I take the box from him with a small smile and go to the bedroom.

It's been 7 months, almost a year since I peed on one. I sit there on the toilet, watching the time tick down and the pink line starts to form on the white screen. I feel relieved when I see only one bold pink line, but then one starts to spread on top of it and tears well my eyes. I can't help but to sob when a plus sign is showed on the test, my shaky hands fumble with the box and grab two more pregnancy test. This can't be true. . . this is all a dream. . . it isn't real.

"Tris." Tobias knocks on the door as I roughly wipe my face. I have to go through those 9 months all over again. . . more pain, more tears, more contractions, "Tris, are you okay? What does it say?" He's trying to be quiet but panic is overtaking him―I can hear it in his voice and the door knob jingles.

I shake my head, feeling tears fall out of my face, "This can't be true." I sob again, falling on the floor as I stare at both pregnancy test that show's the symbol for me expecting again. . . expecting Tobias' child.

+++

"We're going to get through this." That's what they all say, what happens if we can't get through it? What if every thing comes crashing down on us―suffocating us. I have another child to look after and I'm not ready for this, I have two kids already that can barely speak coherent English and here comes another one. Tobias grabs my face in his hands and kisses away the faint tear on my cheek, "It's okay, I'm going to be here every step of the way with you." I nod my head and place my head on his chest.

"Why you cryin'?" Our heads turn to London who stares at the both of us as if we were the dumbest people on the world, "You otay mommy?" She questions, scooting towards the both of us and I sit up.

I give her a smile, taking in a deep breath, "You're going to be a big sister again." I break the news to her. Even if I go to the doctor's and he tells me that I'm not pregnant and the test was wrong, something inside tells me to still tell her, "I'm going to have a baby."

Her eyes light up and she jumps in Tobias' arms, slinging her tiny arm around my neck, "Big sidder?" She screeches, her eyes gleaming widely, "Again? Wow." She sighs and Tobias laughs. I'm glad that this was able to take her father leaving off her mind. He's been there since she was a little baby in my tummy but as she got older he got distant with the family, she has more memories with me than Eric. But, she still loved him even if he didn't feel the same.

"Yes. I'm going to schedule an appointment to go to while you're at Auntie Christy's this week." It all hits me like a ton of bricks, there is 9 out of 10 chance that I have a fetus growing in my stomach this very moment. What am I going to do?