What About Us

PAUSE | THIRTY

[Tris]

I have never felt this hurt, scratch that, Eric hurt me. But, when I thought god gave me a second chance with Tobias, he goes and kisses his ex-fiance that practically ruins everything. I know it's just a kiss but a kiss would turn into sex and that'll just be another "accident".

In the morning, Tobias was already gone I couldn't find his coffee mug so I knew he must've went to work earlier. I got London ready for work and took a shower myself, dressed in jeans, a shirt, and cardigan with boots I went to pick up Delilah to drop off at school with London―promising to come back for a small breakfast. Which I indeed go to. 

She had blueberry scones and coffee from the cafe down the street and we dined in while I shared every little bit of last night with her from Eric visiting, to Tobias' confession. She felt bad for me, I could tell, even if she didn't say it. But, I welcomed the pity and before I knew it I was doing one last visit to my parents and then I went home. 

Camryn lays cuddled up in my arms all day like she can sense that I am hurt. Honestly, this time around  I am a little bit hurt, more than what happened with Eric because I thought Tobias was different and that he  gave up Ophelia. 

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I made breakfast for dinner because I've never craved a waffle covered in syrup more than now, and the girls were thrilled to see the stack of turkey bacon. As usual, I made the table and while the girls  were cleaning up their toys from earlier I heard the door open and I glanced through the hallway to see Tobias greeting the girls with kisses and swinging them on his shoulders. It is best for the girls to not see a change in between us. And maybe this is still fixable. 

I feel his presence in the kitchen as my back is turned from him as I mix the potato hash in the pan. I don't turn around and greet him, I work around the kitchen as if I never knew a Tobias. I can't stomach to look at him right now because the wounds are still a little too fresh, just yesterday he told me kissed his ex that I thought he forgot about. Then only to proceed to catch an attitude about Eric being here, who I didn't even kiss or even have sex with let alone touch me. 

"Hey." He says. 

"Hello." I reply adding salt and pepper to the dish along with a few other seasonings in the cabinet. 

He clears his throat and I tense up as soon as I feel his presence behind me and his hand on the side of my belly and I step from him, closing my eyes, "Don't touch me, Tobias." I turn around to face him and he looks absolutely hurt but I don't care. I go gather the kids for dinner while he sets the plates out, I need to be independent, so I definitely don't need him. He can go back with Ophelia, as much as it hurts. I haven't' even told my parents yet, so I am still sparing him. He better be grateful. 

Tobias does the dishes for dinner and I get the kids ready for bed. I am so grateful because I am so tired and my back aches, and every hour or 2 I would get a braxton hick contraction, I know soon that I am going to have this  baby, that's why I need to remain calm and don't let Tobias' antics mess with me and get me stressed out. 

I take a shower and let the hot water flow down my back, watching the soap suds go down the drain. As I am detangling my curly hair, I think about life. When I was little all I wanted was to grow up and be successful with a loving husband and happy family. I wonder why men cheat, my own father did it when I was 14, he wasn't perfect either but it isn't the point. Men tell us women, that they love us so much and "we're the one" but at the end of the day, go out with another lady and to the same thing, it's like an endless cycle of cheating. And that's the bad thing about it, I can't stop it, so I would have to deal with the heartbreak of my daughters when the come to me crying or scold my son for playing women's hearts or doing something as foolish as his father. 

I wear a pair of sweats and a tank top to bed, and as I am cleaning up the bathroom from my hair products there is a knock at the door and Tobias steps inside. I roll my eyes in my head and sigh, "Tris?" He calls out as I toss my dirty clothes in the hamper. 

"What?" I question walking out from the bathroom, my damp curls swaying down my back. I can say that carrying this boy has made my hair grow faster, thicker, longer, and healthier. I had to change my whole hair regimen, "What do you want?" 

He shuts the door behind him and turns back to me, "I want to talk to you. Us not talking about it is not healthy and I cannot handle this silent treatment." 

"You?" I question bitterly, "You can't handle the "silent treatment"? Tobias, I can't handle the fact that you lied to me on where you were, who you were with, what you did. . . so I think you deserve to just muddle in your feelings and thinking about what you did to me." 

 He hangs his head in disappointment, "I know, and I'm sorry baby. Honestly, we were communicating when we saw her at the mall a few months back. I told her to leave me alone and get away from us but she kept pestering me." I sit on the edge of the bed, my back facing him as I twiddle my engagement ring with my thumb, "She didn't listen so I just stopped all communication until I went to her place and tried to have a reasonable conversation with her but we ended up kissing." 

"Oh, well I don't want to ruin what you started with her. You can go back to her." I slide the diamond ring off of my finger, a pang of hurt stabbing in my chest and I turn around, holding out my palm with the ring in the middle, "Let's call off the wedding." 

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Dammmnnnnnn Tris! You seem to be overacting a little. I know I haven't updated but I am in the middle of testing and stuff, it's the last marking period so I have to get work done. I also got a new kitten, his name is Hendrix. Also, my birthday was Wednesday! But next chapter is Tobias' point of view and we still have to talk about Eric's arrival....hmmmm. B y e