The Soulmate Collection

29|| Issues

Realistic Fiction 

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"I fell in love with you because you loved me when I couldn't love myself"

-- Unknown

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Fred had been waiting for the last few weeks for this to happen. Farah had been going non-stop. Talking faster, getting up early and going to sleep late, she decided to learn french and how to juggle, and she happily accepted to teach two more classes at the gym. Not to mention the quick fights she would pick. However, yesterday it began. Her lower back was feeling achy, and she skipped ice cream, which for some would seem normal, but after nearly ten years of marriage and seventeen years of love Fred is well tuned in the ways of Farah, so when he came home to see her brown curly hair cascading over the arm of the couch he knew it had finally begun. 

"Hon," Fred calls towards her.

Farah heard him but was too worried about what he would think of her new state to respond. People know you're crazy. That was the word she hated the most, Crazy. Ever since she was little long before the diagnoses of Bipolar Disorder, her peers, teachers, and other parents would label her as crazy. So, when her level drops to below zero that is always the first word that pops into her mind. She has tried to not let the thoughts of others interfere with being her, but at times it's hard to shut it all out, and just be. She was so lost in her own thoughts she missed her husband walking towards her. 

Fred didn't bother reaching out to her. He knew what was happening, so he sat on the coffee table and searched the dark green eyes for the answers. She must have finally realized his presence for a ghost of a smile plays on her lips. Before Farah can come up with some small talk, Fred takes her hands into his, and asks very softly, trying not to disturb the silence. "Where does it hurt?" He whispered. 

Farah was seconds from denying, but instead, she crumbled into his arms. The weight of her conscious heavy on her mind. "Everywhere," she gasped.

"Shh, I've got you," Fred soothed. Holding his wife carefully, trying to shower her with all the affection she needed. 

Farah pushed against Fred, she was tried. This had become their routine. She knows it has to do with her disorder, but she couldn't take it. She just wanted to be alone. She wanted to hear it all. She wanted the pain without the resolution being right in front of her.

Fred watched and waited as Farah started shaking her head softly at first as if trying to gather her thoughts. Then her eyes locked on him. "I don't want you to comfort me," she whispered slowly. "I want to be left to this, I deserve-" she began, but Fred cut her off.

"No, you don't. You don't deserve to feel this way. You just do. I don't know what to do Farah, but I'm here for you. Whatever you need. If you need me to leave, I will. If you need to fight, I will fight. If you need to cry, I will be the shoulder. I'm with you, all of you." 

Farah knew how Fred felt about. She knew how deep his love went. Her hands latched onto her face and she screamed loudly in frustration. She didn't want this. She hated these feelings, but she lived with them in the back of her head every day and when the time came the voices and thoughts sank their way into her consciousness and she was trapped. 

"I can't escape," she cried, and Fred's heart broke. He has been with her through her depression before, but each time it becomes harder and harder to hear the things her mind comes up with. He fears for the days he's not by her side.

"Then don't escape; change the room. You are stronger than you know, honey," he added, leaning in to place a kiss on her forehead. 

Farah thought of his words and wanted to smile. That phrase was her husband. The man who could see good in everything. Even a mental patient like her. They had met in high school, Mr. Perkins 9th grade English. The first day of class, Fred gained the courage to walk up to her. Farah was sitting by herself, as she usually did, and was shocked by the boy who was standing in front of her desk. He said, "I think you are the most beautiful girl in the whole school." Before Farah could say anything class had begun. Fred didn't look at Farah the entire class scared that he destroyed all chances with her, but then at the end of class, Farah said, "Thank you." 

So, when Fred told her to change the room, suddenly it was filled with desks, posters of encouraging words and vocabulary monsters. Farah was back in Mr. Perkins room. It was the day they decided to be friends. 

Farah was nervous. She needed to tell him. So, before class started she whispered to him, "I've got issues."

Without giving it much thought Fred took her hand in his, and smiled back, "I've got some too."

Farah fell asleep, so Fred leaned down and picked her up, taking her to their room. He tucked his wife into bed, before walking to his side. Without changing, he laid down on the bed, but before he fell asleep he took the pill waiting for him on his nightstand.

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