Truly Sincere [Part 1]

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"your favorite sunflowers" Gemma smiled at me when she arranged a bundle of sunflowers in the vase replacing the old lilies, I quietly looked at the vase and then at the water dripping from the ends of yesterday's lilies at floor

"Thank you for bringing them Alex" Gemma tapped Alex's shoulder as she walked away

"I know she loves them so much" Alex's said weakly, and I kept looking at the sunflowers quietly

"Any news on Harry?" Alex asked Gemma in a low voice, but I heard her

"He's jumping on the next flight, they arranged everything just for him to reach back at home on time" Gemma sighed as she turned the page of magazine

The sound of machines beeping, flipping pages of magazine, people chatting outside in the lobby, everything was triggering my anxiety, I silently closed my eyes. I don't remember the last time I talked to anyone, since the incident held two days ago, I didn't even cry openly, I wasn't even sure how I felt.

Dr Andy only blamed my already deteriorating health for nervous breakdown to overcome my state, which lead to this incident. But no one actually knows the reason behind it. I was too embarrassed to even think about it, I was still scared, but at that point I had nothing else to lose

"Jas! I'm going to get coffees, do you need something?" Alex asked, I could feel the uneasiness in her tone, she wasn't able to react accordingly, as much as concerned she was about me, she was trying hard to just make things easy for me and the environment around her too. I just nodded in no and she smiled weakly before leaving the room, I saw Josephine entering the room along with the tray of food, she smiled at me as she sit down the tray at the coffee table

"How are ya kid?" She smiled looking in my eyes, her eyes quietly told me that they ain't going nowhere without hearing the answer

"I'm okay" I mumbled in a weak voice she nodded with the same smile

"Good!" She said energetically as she pushed the buttons of the stretcher bed to bring me in a sitting position, I flinched in uneasiness when I felt a throbbing pain in my stitches due to the sudden shift in the body, Gemma's phone buzzed and she excuse us to take the call

"Guess what do we have for lunch today!" She looked at me and I silently sat there looking at the cannula of my hand "low fat sandwich, mango juice and chicken soup, it halal" she dragged the patient table in front of me and I looked silently at the hot bowl of steamy soup, she turned the spoon handle in my direction for me to start eating, I swirl my fingers around the spoon for a while

"I'm nauseous.." I said placing back the spoon

"You're not nauseous..." She covered the meal and dragged the patient table to the other side, I was surprised to see her get easily convinced. She sat down at the edge of my bed, frankly enough she held my hand as she looked into my eyes quietly demanding me to talk to her

"I still remember how your eyes shone when I told ya, you was pregnant, you're like my daughter,..I noticed, your mama didn't come" she poured out her pure heart and I looked at her silently

"It doesn't matter you lost your baby, you are still a Mama, God gave you another life, he will give you another chance to be a Mama again. She's smiling at her Mama from heaven" she held my cheek motherly, I pursed my lips when my eyes got teary

"You fought, you a fighter...my kid, you brave, I'm proud of ya" She noticed the tears in my eyes and hugged me immediately and I cried my heart out, I cried madly, I didn't realize how much I needed to let it out, she patted my back and stayed there until I stopped crying

"you needed to cry, one last time" She wiped my face with a smile on her lips when I pulled back, "but promise me, you ain't gonna cry again" she patted my head as she dragged the table in front of me again

"Thank you Jose, you're an angel" I smiled at her and she chuckled as she brought the spoonful of soup in front of my mouth, I took it smiling at her

"I love you, and your accent" I said and she laughed heartily at my statement

It was almost evening, I stayed there, Gemma had already left, James and Alex were staying with me, they kept me entertained with their silly fights, I'd only smile at them when they act stupid and next time they do something intentionally just to make me smile again

I was waiting impatiently for Harry to reach, but I wasn't sure what I was going to tell him, that I couldn't keep a single promise which was taking care of myself and baby, how am I supposed to see him when I'm the reason our daughter died

"You should take a nap now" Alex adjusted the sheets on over me and I realized that reality sucked, but I was more scared to fall asleep and have another nightmare.

Just when James walked towards the window to close the blinds for me to sleep the door was knocked, I quickly cocked my head, expecting to see Harry. James opened the door and a nurse was holding a bouquet of pink tulips

"For Jasmin" she confirmed the name and placed it on the nightstand next to me, James thanked her as he closed the door and he looked for the gift name card in between the flower buds

"Who sent these?" Alex asked

"Trying to find the same thing here" James answered her annoyingly and she flared her nostrils at him

"Whoever it is, doesn't really knows that she loves freaking sunflowers" Alex said

"This Rayyan dude must be fan of the varieties of flowers" James blurted, hearing his name only gave me goosebumps and I looked at Alex who was already looking at me

"Give it to me" Alex snatched the card and her grey eyes ran frantically on the card "be well Jasmin, love Rayyan"  she looked at me and I can tell the blood drained through my face

"In italics" James added

"Shut up James" Alex rolled her eyes in annoyance as she teared up the card in small pieces and threw in the dustbin "Harry would be upset" she murmured. And I pinched my eyes closed as I rested my head back at the pillow

"Is there anything you wanna tell me?" Alex asked concerned, she reads me like tea leaves

"I have no idea where to begin"I mumbled and looked up at the ceiling

"James, be a doll and bring me coffee, I have a headache reading italicized words" she practically kicked James out of the room and she came sat next to me on the edge of the bed

"I didn't get panic attack over nothing, I lied before" I said and she nodded quietly telling me to keep talking, I explained her quickly that how I  received an email from Rayyan and how it lead to the incident

"That son of the holy motherfucker" Alex mouthed and I looked at her confusingly at the choice of her words

"Are you planning on to tell Harry tho?" Her face quietly told me not to tell him

"I am still gathering my words to tell him that I couldn't take care of our Hazel" I looked down at my hands

"You had a name" Alex mumbled as she held my hand when her eyes were filled with tears, and the door opened and in walked Harry

His face was tired, his hair ruffled up, he wasn't in a state. Alex quickly got up and walked towards him to greet him, Harry nodded at her with a weak smile and his eyes locked upon me, he walked weakly towards me

"Harry.." I whispered and he quickly wrapped himself around me, he was panting as he was trying to hold his tears back, I rubbed his back to soothe him and I heard him cry on my shoulder, I couldn't keep myself back either and I cried nuzzling my face in his neck

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled through tears when he pulled back, I wiped his tears and cupped his cheeks, he looked tired, he seemed restless

"I shouldn't have left your side" he said and his eyes welled up again

"No! Don't say that" I shook my head and he tilted his forehead against mine

"I'm sorry I couldn't take better control on myself" I mumbled and he shushed me before embracing me in his arms again