Perfect (bo burnham fanfiction)

~ chapter thirty ~ [ending]

"i want to do something with my life."

"i don't want to live off your money forever."

"i can't dwell on the past anymore."

it all sounded like a good idea, at the start.

• bo's POV •
she was a ray of sunshine. an encentric little flower. everything she'd say was so full of knowledge, so full of joy and life.

it all changed a couple days after the tour ended.

she started becomig tired and nauseated. nothing seemed enjoyable for her anymore and i honesty felt bad. i thoight i ruined it. going on tours is exteemely tiring but i never thought someone could become so depressed because of it. she aas like i had never seen her before.

i wanted to fix it. i suggested we go to a doctor but she refused. she said she was 'too tired'.

"you have been 'too tired' for everything lately, cor! i want to help you and yu are makin it so difficult!" i snapped at her, but i didnt even feel bad. nothing i was doing was helping and shes getting worse and i hoenstly cannot take it any longer.

"you dont think i want to get better? do you homestly think i like being like this? nothing is wrong with me that a doctor can fix, we cannot afford it! im sorry. i just cant do this any more. im so tired of living off someone elses money. i want to get better."

"what do you mean?" is she seriously considering moving on in life when shes so ill like this?

"i want to go back to school."

i tild her i would support her 100%. im not making enough for us anymore and if she could get a good job it would be amazing. i just hope she gets better.
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she went to school. for a week. then she said her pain was getting worse. i thought she meant mentally and she still was refusing a doctor. another week went by, she was missing classes.

"thats it. coraline this is bad enough."

she didnt reply. we got in the car and she knew what we were doing.

walking in there seemed like a death trap. so many ill faced people, once their life was so good. i look around and make eye contact with almost everyone and nobody smiled. everyone is sad, but i cant blame them. this is the worst place to be.

coraline goes in alone and the doctor calls me back after a couple tests.

"this is serious. you should consider going to an emergency room, i cant be for sure about whats wrong you will need a second opinion." well thanks a lot.

and we did. we got the second opinion.

"we will have to keep her for a while. i am so sorry to say this but coraline.. you have lukiemia."

i started crying. coraline put her head down, but i dont think she was in tears. "im sorry" is all she said to me.

i couldnt believe it.

months went by, coraline being transferred and her disease worsening. she was dying, and it was hard for both of us. i cant help but think a little part of her was happy. she was depressed, and still is obviously. i dont know what im going to do without her.

stop, i think. i can't be thinking so negatively.

october 21st, 2016

goodbye coraline. i love you. i always will love you. i always have. because you are offically gone, i just want to tell you some things i wish i would have before.

i love your voice. everything you said would make my ears feel like angels were singing.
i was the last person to see you breathe.
your eyes are the most beautiful.
i was the luckiest man alive.
i still am.
i love you forever, coraline