Blogger | Josh Dun

Part 29

I'd barely left my room since I returned back to England. I had been told to rest up as much as possible, so my days were just filled with me scrolling the internet and sleeping. Ever since I'd hit my head my sleeping had improved, but it was still awful not being able to cuddle up to Josh. With him, I could sleep through the night without interruption, but now my sleep was broken and I didn't feel refreshed in the morning.

I hadn't heard from Josh since I left, but I knew he must've seen my letter. It broke my heart knowing that he hadn't even tried to get in contact with me. But part of me knew that he still cared. He just hadn't done anything to prove it. 

I sighed and snuggled further into my duvet. I was on Twitter, looking through the videos and photos that had been posted of the band whilst they were on tour. I was kind of glad they had continued to tour, as I didn't want their fans to be angry. 

My phone suddenly vibrated in my hand.

@joshuadun: in love

Attached was a photo of us, him kissing my cheek as I jokingly scrunched up my face.

He'd done it. He'd announced our relationship to the world. 

I closed the app, rushing to open Skype. I wasn't sure what time it was over in America, but he was obviously awake, so I quickly clicked on the video call button, hoping that he'd pick up. 

A few rings later, and Josh's face popped up on my screen. I couldn't help it. 

I started sobbing. 

"Hey, Lizzie, please don't cry." Josh sounded on the edge of tears himself. 

"I thought you hated me," I sniffled, trying desperately to wipe away the tears streaming from my eyes. 

"I could never hate you. I do, however, hate myself for yelling at you whilst you were in hospital. Not that it would've been okay if you weren't in hospital, but..."

"Josh, stop. We were both stressed. I'm really sorry for yelling too. I get why you stopped the tour, and honestly, it freaked me out a little bit that you cared that much about me."

"Are you kidding? Lizzie, I was terrified that you'd never wake up. And the thought of losing you was more than I could handle. I just didn't get how you could believe that I would continue touring whilst you potentially died in that bed."

I could hear him start to choke up, so I hurried to reassure him.

"But I'm fine now. Can we just forget about it?"

Josh looked at me through the screen.

"I'm not sure I can ever forget, but we can stop talking about it."

I smiled at him as he scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"I'm sorry about broadcasting our relationship on Twitter. I couldn't let go of the fact that you probably thought I hated you, and I acted kind of recklessly. I hope you can forgive me for that."

I laughed. "Hey, what's a bit of hate on top of what I was already receiving?"

Josh frowned at that. 

"But it's honestly fine, Josh. At least we won't have to hide it anymore."

I cut myself off by yawning. It was late, and I knew Josh was at least a few hours behind, so it was still a reasonable hour there. 

"Lizzie, get some rest. That is why you're on a different continent right now."

"Don't remind me."

"I'm sorry, just please try to sleep?"

I nodded and yawned again. 

"Goodnight, Josh. I love you."

"I love you too."

...

A few days later I got a parcel in the mail. I tore the paper open, and was instantly hit by the familiar scent of Josh's cologne. I pulled a large bundle of fabric out of the package, and immediately grinned. It was one of Josh's sweaters, one that he had obviously worn before mailing it. I held the soft, grey wool to my face, breathing in the scent before pulling the fabric over my head. I fingered the hem, tears filling my eyes as I thought of Josh. 

I missed him so much.